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04 October 2013 @ 12:19 am
Twenty past midnight as I start typing this. Exhausted. Tomorrow is Friday--which is brilliant but also not, because four hours straight with the kids. One science lesson with 1st-2nd graders (shoot me now) and then painting club, which is thankfully much easier.

Yesterday I was ready to throw my students out the window; by the end of the day I was left with my three most difficult 3rd-graders (out of four) and my most outspokenly dissenting 4th grader (out of six). That is a recipe for disaster.

Today I had my full class. They came hurrying up to the snack table and one said, "It's A's last day tomorrow!"

(A is a very supportive colleague of mine but yes, alas, she announced the day after I had such a brilliant moment with her that she had given her two weeks' notice. She's preggers, has to commute, and the job really eats into her time with her other children. She has things that need doing.)

I said, "You're right." Changed my tone to something very conspiratorial; I may not be 100% Hufflepuff 100% of the time... "Maybe we should make her a card or something."

"Yes yes yes! Yes we should!"

Even lower voice. "Who can I trust for a top-secret mission? We need to ask [site coordinator] if we can have some thick paper for cards. We can draw and write on them. Now, who can I trust again? I have to see quiet hands..."

And so an activity for after homework was born. They loved it. Cooperated, did creative things, communicated, worked together. Gave it to A as a group; she adored it.

Sometimes I wish I didn't love my kids so gorram much--even when they're grumpy little buggers I want to throw out the nearest window--because somehow it makes the fact that I dread planning time at the learning centre worse. And the fact that I've never felt so uncomfortable around my bosses before. And the fact that I've never felt so disconnected from my work team after more than a month before.

I think I'm going to suggest we all go out and get drinks some time soon. Apparently that was a thing that happened from time to time last year but that didn't happen in the fall. I think it would be a good idea for sooner rather than later, especially with A leaving us.

I'm going to go put some stuff away and get ready for bed, then. I have a few experiments to test before tomorrow's first lesson.

And it's Minerva Fucking McGonagall's fucking birthday today, so there's that!

Huzzah. There's a happy thing about this Friday. Everyone should go enjoy [community profile] minerva_fest! I shall when I'm home. There will be wine. And hopefully no whining--because weekend.

[Crossposted from dreamwidth.]
tt: that wasn't a questiontwisted_twister on October 4th, 2013 10:55 am (UTC)
I knew you were going to be alright, and this post just proves it!
You are doing exactly what you should, and it sounds like the people that are most important to your ability to enjoy work and work well - the kids - are happy to have you around. Sod the bosses. Or go drink with them, that also sounds like something that would work - at least where we are now. And yey, weekend! Enjoy it, love. You've earned it, and if the word of a person who gloriously does things the worse way possible and pays heavy prices for that even matters, I'm very very proud of you!!! ♥
Kiwi Crocus: HP || Rolanda || Watchful eye.cranky__crocus on October 4th, 2013 02:58 pm (UTC)
*Laughs.* Yes, I'm not doom and gloom all moments, even if it seems it. (: I do adore my good days with the kidlings. They really are wonderful people, even when they make me want to tear my hair out; they're just kids in a rough place.

I can tell the kids like me. Their memory is short and based very much on moment-to-moment moods, so sometimes they're quite convinced they don't like me, but they can't fool me. I can see their smiles even if they forget them by the next day. They love telling the other children in the programme about my hip replacement, how my hip squeaks, how sometimes I have pain and people should look out for me. Yesterday I taught a number of them how to walk properly with a cane.

I am so thrilled for it to be the weekend. Just have to get through four hours with the kids. (Fridays are different; we work with two different groups in the day and they are not the Monday-Thursday classes.)

Thank you, dear heart. ♥ And yes, of course your word matters!
CaroRulescarorules on October 4th, 2013 09:04 pm (UTC)
TGIF!!!! I hope you get some well deserved rest this weekend!
Kiwi Crocus: TWW || Constance || Little grin.cranky__crocus on October 5th, 2013 01:16 am (UTC)
TGIF right on back! ♥ I'll sure be looking for some rest this weekend. (: Won't get much sleep for Sunday (early morning) but Saturday I have a gloriously plan-free day!
CaroRulescarorules on October 5th, 2013 02:01 am (UTC)
A free day is always welcome!!! Enjoy it!
þeof in þystro: Workmothwing on October 7th, 2013 05:59 pm (UTC)
I'm glad to hear that you're getting on well with the children and that they love you! Not that I doubted that they would, but sometimes, kids are good at hiding their true feelings.

Hope you get to go out with your coworkers, soon, sounds like a fun plan!

Happy new week. ♥
Kiwi Crocuscranky__crocus on October 8th, 2013 03:29 pm (UTC)
Yes, they absolutely make the job. Even the bad days with them have silver lining, especially as I'm getting better with subtly manipulating their mercurial moods toward the better.

Not that I doubted that they would, but sometimes, kids are good at hiding their true feelings.

I do hope to get out with my coworkers soon as well. I mentioned it once and there was interest but nothing came of it. I'm still a bit afraid to bring it up as a real request--which is a huge indication of my discomfort, because usually I'm ecstatic to bring up opportunities for camaraderie amongst my colleagues. I've always loved doing that in other jobs.

Thank you. ♥