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13 June 2013 @ 05:04 pm
My father has decided to teach me how to make "the most perfect scrambled eggs" because he learned from television.

Thus far he has dropped half the egg shell into the pan.

Can anyone see why I'm doomed? Anyone, anyone?

I told him I would offer him my rapt attention.

The Process:

- Eggs straight into the pan, no beating. No milk (it'll be creamy enough) or seasoning. Just butter.
- Add heat, use spatula to stir rather than beat. Just to break and mix the eggs.
- When it starts congealing, take it off the heat and stir it around again so it's not sticking at all. (It'll keep cooking because the pan is hot.)
- By then it has cooled down a bit. Put it back on the heat, wait for some congealing, repeat.
- Don't catch anything on fire (this is an important step).
- Do not feed the dog despite his whining (which you totally trained him out of but your father ruined); it is too much of a distraction.
- Do not let the eggs overcook in the pan.
- When the eggs are done, add a little cream-like-substance to cool down the pan and stop the eggs from cooking. If you are out of cream (as we are), skip this step and put them straight in a bowl, making a bit of a mess as you do (I said rapt attention!).
- Attempt to burn your daughter's mouth by feeding her hot eggs.
- Add pepper at the end anyway because you just so happen to like seasoning.
- Ask your son how he did suit-shopping for interview suits.
- Demand a show and tell.
- Finish eating the eggs.

That is how one scrambles eggs in my family. I may also be jealous of Dweeb's new suit. Very slim and black. His size is extra long and mine is petite. Again, jealous.

My father was just cutting kohlrabi and ruthlessly attacked me with a slice by flinging it at me. Accidentally, sure, but an attack it was.

My dog just ran straight into a bucket.

This is my family.

[Crossposted from dreamwidth.]
Current Location: The Kitchen at the Burrow.
therealsnape: SS Bewitch the Mindtherealsnape on June 14th, 2013 06:53 am (UTC)
Your father is absolutely right. Eggs and butter, and no mindless egg-beating. Mixing and breaking is it, and then it's a matter of serving them at the right consistency.

I do add a little seasoning up front, but then all of us (Lord S., me, the friends we often share a holiday cottage with) have the same ideas on seasoning.

Kiwi Crocus: HP || Pomona || Colourful grin.cranky__crocus on June 14th, 2013 07:19 am (UTC)
I shall tell my father that the Culinary Potions Master agrees with him, then! I'm sure he'll be thrilled.

Now I have a question: if one wants cheesy scrambled eggs, when does one add the cheese?

(I will admit that when it comes to eggs I am more likely to go for an olive-oil-fried-egg sandwich with some veg. My father is more for scrambled eggs and edamame or baked beans.)
?elsceetaria on June 14th, 2013 06:59 pm (UTC)
That sounds more or less like how I make eggs, but I tend to do it with less chaos.
Kiwi Crocus: Animal || Awkward giraffe.cranky__crocus on June 19th, 2013 04:49 am (UTC)

Or at least that seems to be the theory in my family.
gerristgerrist on June 14th, 2013 11:32 pm (UTC)
When do you add the green?!
Kiwi Crocus: HP || Pomona || Herbology wand.cranky__crocus on June 19th, 2013 04:49 am (UTC)
This is an important question. An imperative one, I might even say. We will have to ask Master Dweeb.
Rosa | ¯\(ºдಠ)/¯rosaxx50 on June 19th, 2013 03:00 am (UTC)
I think that is an entirely understandable and insightful recipe on how to scramble eggs. *Nods*
Kiwi Crocus: Ani D || Brain disconnected heart wired.cranky__crocus on June 19th, 2013 04:50 am (UTC)
Of course it is. Everything I ever say about or on the topic of cooking is entirely understandable and insightful.