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15 October 2012 @ 06:03 pm
Oh, oh! I've finally come to a firm understanding as to why my writing is so sub-par!

It's because I've been using the wrong pens.

See, check out all the excellent reviews for the BIC "For Her" Pens and you'll instantly understand all my writing woes: I don't have one. I've been writing with man pens--dreadful!

My writing has suffered due to how many years I've spent callousing my hand on bulky, ill-fitting pens and staring at depressingly dull blue or black ink. What I need is something dainty, pastel, and marketed expressly for my expected gender roles and pronouns right on the cover. I've been going about this all wrong my whole life, just because my mother didn't know to teach me differently! But don't worry, I wouldn't bruise my femininity by falling into anger or resentment: I merely feel such pity that my poor mother has spent a lifetime being ruined at the hands of man-pens.

Here, Ellen DeGeneres can tell you more and really sell you on the product:

(Those Amazon reviews are actually a riot, though. You don't have to be concerned about whether I've gone off the deep end, either; I'm hardly above my normal vexation at the marketing world but wanted an excuse to be snarky. (; )

I promised Lash and Bear that I would work on the leftovers. Well, there's leftover alcohol. It's after 6. I'm gonna go get a drink. ;D
shadowycat: skeletonshadowycat on October 15th, 2012 10:53 pm (UTC)
I'm certainly glad you got that straightened out! You must feel so much better knowing that the answer to all your writing woes was that you were just using the wrong pen all the time. Thank goodness for BIC... ~rolls eyes~ Honestly... What next?
Kiwi Crocus: Eye || Floral sight.cranky__crocus on October 15th, 2012 10:57 pm (UTC)
Honestly, I was hoping for a nice "Stationery For Her" line. Sure, there selections of pink and purple stationery out there, but are there any lines marketed just for me and my unique set of mammaries, ovaries, and long hair? Because I think if there were, that would improve my writing that last bit to really finish the romantic, male-led masterpiece of clandestine love that I've been looking to complete.

But at least I've worked out that first piece. I'm a huge bundle of relief, now.
A completely happy writer: Cinnamon Toast Crunch - nom nom nomlar_laughs on October 16th, 2012 12:37 am (UTC)
This made me laugh so hard I had to share with co-workers!
Kiwi Crocus: AoGG || Do attract trouble.cranky__crocus on October 16th, 2012 12:39 am (UTC)
Glad you got a laugh out of it! :D I hope your co-workers enjoyed it to. (: Perhaps it will save their writing the way it has saved mine.
albalark: ROFL Tinkerbellalbalark on October 16th, 2012 01:32 am (UTC)
I had known about the "feminine" BIC pens, but hadn't seen Ellen's hilarious skewering . . . thanks for sharing, sweetie!
Kiwi Crocus: Rainbow || Starry starry night.cranky__crocus on October 16th, 2012 01:35 am (UTC)
No problem! I'm always happy to share some Ellen DeGeneres. (;

Perhaps I should go get some for when I write my Hoggywarty fic--but then, somehow, I think Gilderoy would show up...
therealsnapetherealsnape on October 16th, 2012 02:31 pm (UTC)
I'd heard about the pens, but Ellen's presentation really is marvellous. Thanks for sharing!
Kiwi Crocus: Dar Williams || Magic's in the Learning.cranky__crocus on October 19th, 2012 01:32 am (UTC)
Pleased you enjoyed it! I really should get in the habit of watching Ellen more often; I really do tend to enjoy what I see.
CaroRulescarorules on October 16th, 2012 06:45 pm (UTC)
Ellen <3
(Deleted comment)
Kiwi Crocus: Seasonal || Winter branch.cranky__crocus on October 19th, 2012 01:33 am (UTC)
*Grins* Glad you liked it! I love Ellen in general, so I really should get myself watching the show more often!
tt: I can't even think straighttwisted_twister on October 16th, 2012 10:03 pm (UTC)
Maybe we should ban bic... So annoying.
Seekcoldthermistor on October 17th, 2012 09:17 am (UTC)
I'd seen the reviews but not the show. Thanks for the link! This is hilarious :P
Kiwi Crocus: HP || McMin || Sorting.cranky__crocus on October 19th, 2012 01:33 am (UTC)
No problem! :D Glad you liked it. :D