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23 July 2012 @ 07:35 pm
No surprise here, I've been staving off freakouts about much in my life at the moment (jobs or lack there-of, being not-completely-able-bodied but not-disabled-enough for it to 'count', this job I signed on to do for a friend that is completely out of my major and interests, and so on).

One of the things I've been trying not to freak out about but occasionally freaking out about anyway is the "Interweave Summer Service" this year. (My religion tends to take the summer off for regular services and just host little informal gatherings; it's one of the draws to our faith. :B) Our minister asked me to join the "worship committee" (runs summer services and some things during the year) because I have experience creating/running services and talking before the pulpit, so I said yes; our minister asked if the Interweave Committee (a LGBTQQIAPP [AKA alphabet soup] and ally group) was going to run another summer service this year, and since we didn't have enough services to run, I said yes. (We had one planned for last year but it fell through.)

Which means, really, that I am to run one of the summer services by myself. I've sent emails to Interweave all about the topic ("Unitarian Universalism and Sexuality") and requested speakers or any other sort of help; while there has been some interest and some "I may write something", no one has committed to anything. So for the moment it's all me. Hello, being out of my element! So I guess I've got to write an extra-long sermon (instead of a 'sermonette' which I am used to) on my experience as a cradle-UU (raised completely Unitarian Universalist) with my various identities and things that impact my sexuality, from my body hair to my orientation and likely-polyamory. Which, granted, is stuff I like talking about. But I also have to choose the opening words, the benediction, the chalice-lighting words, the music, whatever else, and run the discussion afterwards. All as I am working as the 'coordinator' of the worship committee by making sure the electronics work and the building is unlocked and a few other tasks I have to look up.

It's a lot. I've been sweating it, since the service is in three weeks. Today I sent out an email asking the worship committee if they thought it would be acceptable for me to forward the email I sent to Interweave out to the congregation as a whole, as well (introducing the topic as more than just a 'blerb', inviting anyone to get involved since everyone has some involvement with sexuality and we're all UUs). One of the women got back to me and, after a quick exchange, wrote this:

Your service will be wonderful! - no doubt in my mind. [Minister] knows her people. You are great for this committee! Relax, breathe. Sending you good energy! (-; love and hugs, [T]

I started crying. I forget how seldom I just let myself relax, instead of splashing around in this tide-pool of tension, and just breathe.

Just breathe.

That is something I absolutely do not do enough. I unconsciously breathe--the sort of inhalation and exhalation that keeps me alive without thinking--but I do not consciously gift my body with breathe and think, "Here, this is what living really is: breathing. Breathe it in, breathe it out; keep living."

Funny how I can forget something as important as breathing. Guess it's time to take out the meditation pillow again, eh? (Such a thing really shouldn't be put away, to be honest.)
Trialiatrialia on July 24th, 2012 12:55 am (UTC)
*cuddles* if you need any help, lemme know - used to helping choose music and poetry for my Unitarian services over here, & love doing it. (trialia at gmail dot com)
Kiwi Crocus: Rainbow || Starry starry night.cranky__crocus on July 24th, 2012 06:59 pm (UTC)
*Cuddles back.* Thank you! I'm definitely used to choosing music and words and all the other stuff--I do have the experience haha--but I'm used to doing it as part of a team (mostly as the 'senior youth' when I was the leader back in my years there). So doing it solo is interesting. :P

But yes, if you have any ideas for words, poetry, or music that fits the idea "Unitarian Universalism and Sexuality" (including all identities within the alphabet soup), then I'd love to hear them! My email is serenity [dot] oak [at] gmail [dot] com.
minervas_eule: MHiU: hat patminervas_eule on July 24th, 2012 06:55 am (UTC)
Antje was so nervous about all the evening- and morning-services she was supposed to come up with at the camp .... and afterward she said this has been her favourite part of the weeks: everybody just loved them, the kids were talking about the stories she told in their beds at night, sometimes there were tears, they mentioned it as the highlights of the camp at the end (*I am so proud of her*) - I am sure you can do as well - just be yourself, "authentic is the word", it does radiate off and move people! And you are so good with words and comparisons and pictures and such ;-) And music and candles and flowers and such is a treat to do.....
Kiwi Crocus: Women || Lakeside lean.cranky__crocus on July 24th, 2012 07:03 pm (UTC)
Oh, I was completely nervous about the same thing when I worked at Rowe! Especially since I was in charge of the 'grief' chapel (I called it 'In Memorial' and based it on Tennyson and Elisabeth Kubler-Ross); it was an intimidating service to lead but seemed to go over well. Even I was affected by it, in the end. (I really need to make that post about Jenne, which incorporates all of these things.)

I will absolutely be myself. (: Thank you for the encouragement and faith!
Feather Quill: Unconditionallovefeatherxquill on July 24th, 2012 04:08 pm (UTC)

I'm sure you'll do brilliantly. I have faith in you.

If you need to freak out, or need to be talked to so you don't freak out, though, please poke me and I will listen or talk, whatever you need.
Kiwi Crocus: Lips || Purple.cranky__crocus on July 24th, 2012 07:04 pm (UTC)
*Hugs back.*

Thank you!

And thank you for that offer, too--I know I've taken you up on it just recently. :P It helped immensely. I hope you know you can do the same; I will totally understand any uni fretting, too, of course! (What uni fretting did I not end up with? :B)
CaroRulescarorules on July 25th, 2012 06:52 pm (UTC)
Breathing is def important! You'll do awesome BTW!
Kiwi Crocus: Seasonal || Faerie lights.cranky__crocus on July 25th, 2012 08:04 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much for the vote of confidence; I appreciate it. (: