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24 April 2012 @ 03:32 pm
I wrote the song I wanted to write before I get too involved with Pottermore. I did also pick some quick chords, but I haven't sung and recorded it for a few reasons: 1) I'm lazy; 2) it requires finding my microphone and I'm not sure if it even works well at the moment; and 3) it's allergy season, which really isn't bad on me at all, but does tend to affect me just a teensy-bit enough to throw off my voice and how I can use it.

So instead I'll just post the words to the song and maybe soon I'll let myself putz around on Pottermore.

But first I want to say a few words:

1) This is a spoof song. While it does contain some of my beliefs, they have been exaggerated; such things happen when one attempts comedy.

2) I am friends with many people from this House. I do not hold it against them, and I love them dearly, and there is nothing truly wrong with the House at all. I just have heard so much about it through the years that, for my Pottermore experience, I want to experience something else, and be Sorted based on other attributes.

3) I would have included another verse of explanation but I really only wanted one verse per House and, anyway, it's already a pretty long (but fast) song. So here we go.

The Sorting Hat has quite the job:
It separates the hoards.
And Pottermore is open now
To share all it records.
I find I have a message
To this pixel Sorting Hat;
Now you're on my head
I think we'll have a little chat:

'cause if you Sort me Hufflepuff
I'll make the greatest friends;
And if you Sort me Ravenclaw
I'll learn the odds and ends.
If you Sort me Slytherin
I'll learn to plot and scheme;
But if you Sort me Gryffindor,
I'll scream.

Hufflepuff is nice enough
With kids that really care;
It espouses loyalty
And works hard to be fair.
The kitchens are nearby
For midnight munching foolery.
So listen close my Sorting friend
And make school nice for me:

'cause if you Sort me Hufflepuff
I'll work for endless hours;
And if you Sort me Ravenclaw
I'll master all my powers.
If you Sort me Slytherin
I'll capture all my dreams;
But if you Sort me Gryffindor,
I'll scream.

Ravenclaw's a top-notch House
That strives to be the best;
Within its students' minds
You'll find wit's greatest treasure chest.
They learn like mad
And reflect all the knowledge of the ages,
So Sorting hat please read my mind
Like they do books and pages:

'cause if you Sort me Hufflepuff
I'll love my time with Sprout.
And if you Sort me Ravenclaw
I'll keep my wits about.
If you Sort me Slytherin
I'll really join the team;
But if you Sort me Gryffindor,
I'll scream.

Slytherin knows where it's at
And how to reach the top;
Manipulate or stipulate,
You know they'll never stop.
I'll never meet more cunning folk
Who use resources better.
So if you listen now, dear Hat,
I'll always be your debtor:

'cause if you Sort me Hufflepuff
I'll always have your back;
And if you Sort me Ravenclaw
I'll keep my marks on track.
If you Sort me Slytherin
I'll keep all my esteem;
But if you Sort me Gryffindor,
I'll scream.

Gryffindor is quite well-known:
The Trio and their friends;
And much in part to them
We find we have our happy ends.
Despite Minerva's charm
I find I really must confess:
Courage is good
And bravery's fine
But most of all I find them to be brash and reckless...

So if you Sort me Hufflepuff
I'll always keep my cool;
And if you Sort me Ravenclaw
I'll sit proud on that stool.
If you Sort me Slytherin
I'll sneer at those downstream;
But if you Sort me Gryffindor,
I'll scream.

If you Sort me Hufflepuff
I'll always keep it fair;
And if you Sort me Ravenclaw
I'll keep my mind aware.
If you Sort me Slytherin
I'll really reign supreme;
But if you Sort me Gryffindor,
I'll scream.

Oh, if you Sort me Gryffindor,
I'll scream.

Yes if you Sort me Gryffindor,
You're mean

'Cause if you Sort me Gryffindor,
I'll scream.

And one more time: I have nothing against Gryffindors. We need all sorts, of course, and Gryffindors do get things done. I just think, given 7 books and 8 films from a primarily-Gryffindor point of view, I'd like to have a different one on this second journey through the books.

Also, because I look shoddy in red.

Now, if I wanted, I could go play Pottermore. But I'm going to save it and suck out a bit more time of anticipation before it lets me down and I realise I'm pants at potions.
zeezofbadfaith on April 24th, 2012 10:42 pm (UTC)
Slytherin! \o/
Also, I should go back to Pottermore. Maybe tomorrow? I can't remember my name there now, but I'm sure there's a post somewhere... I'll find it XD</p>


zee: cuddles *-*zofbadfaith on April 25th, 2012 05:09 pm (UTC)
P.S.: Just added you, dear :D I'm HazelSparks113 just so you know (and now that I have amazing, working internet I can go back to that. Yes.)
Miss M.: hp olsbmiss_morland on April 25th, 2012 10:55 am (UTC)
Kiwi Crocus: HP || Hufflepuff || Dancing Plants.cranky__crocus on May 4th, 2012 11:05 pm (UTC)
Awwwr, I'm so pleased to know you liked it! :D
CINEASTE--. A film or movie enthusiast.: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegascinematixyz on April 25th, 2012 12:13 pm (UTC)
That was GREAT. We LOOOVED it and only had one little constructive criticism is the meter is off at the punchline "I'll scream"

If it's a song for adults, the last line packs more of a punch and has a better rhythm if it says "I swear I'll fucking scream"

But if the song is meant for families or children, how about 'I swear I'll freaking scream"

Hope I didn't cross any lines of overstep my place because other than that, it's so clever and SUCH a funny winner of a poem/song.

I test Ravenclaw, BTW LOL

I think all four of us writers here are from different houses, personality speaking. LOL

GREAT WORK, so funny and on point!!!

Kiwi Crocus: Animal || Awkward giraffe.cranky__crocus on May 4th, 2012 11:09 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much. (: While I agree that sometimes a well-placed expletive can pack more of a punch, I think a small and simple statment can often do that as well. The meter change was intentional--I promise it works in the song when I play it. :D

You didn't cross any lines! Thankfully people can agree to disagree about writing techniques and still appreciate the other and zir writing!

I'm not sure what I test, honestly. Most people Sort me Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, depending on if they appreciate/notice my intellect or integrity more, but I'd really fit in any of them. (And, despite the song, I'm sure I wouldn't mind Gryffindor much either, were I to be Sorted there. (; ) I tend to identify most with Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff.

Thank you very much for the comment! ♥
(Deleted comment)
Kiwi Crocus: HP || SS Hops || Flower.cranky__crocus on May 4th, 2012 11:11 pm (UTC)
*Grins.* Glad you liked it. I've got the basics for playing it down, but I'm still working on the details and getting my allergies-affected voice to cooperate. Obnoxious that this is the only way I am influenced by allergies. (I'm glad I made the connection, though; I used to wonder why I didn't seem as able to sing in what seemed like 'random' months.)

Yes, the breaking of the metre was incredibly intentional, just for that point. The chorus-verses have been stuck in my head for so many months that I wouldn't dream of changing something like the metre at this point, anyway!
dexstarr: slytherin crestdexstarr on April 26th, 2012 02:52 am (UTC)
That's great!
Kiwi Crocus: HP || McHooch || Kittyhawk away.cranky__crocus on May 4th, 2012 11:11 pm (UTC)
Awwr, thank you very much! ♥ I appreciate it. (: