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21 April 2012 @ 05:24 pm
The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly
contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common

[Some of them amused me, so I'm posting them in case some of them amuse you, too.]

And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n.. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been
run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish

In other news, my mother and grandmother showed me pictures of said grandmother and my grandfather (they're divorced). My grandparents were mighty good-lookin' folk! My grandmother was way hotter than I am at the same age, which I think is pretty cool.

(There were two pictures of her on a beach in a bathing suit. While I don't attempt to compete with such things, I'm really quite fond of my face and hair; I think I get enough points there to make up for not posing in suits on beaches. I'm more into people taking pictures of me when I'm in the water, being goofy. And pretending to be a mermaid.)
woldywoldy on April 21st, 2012 09:55 pm (UTC)
Some of those are hilarious :-D
Kiwi Crocus: HP || Pomona || Herbology wand.cranky__crocus on April 21st, 2012 09:56 pm (UTC)
Glad you liked some of them! :D I giggled hardcore at esplanade.
Rosa | ¯\(ºдಠ)/¯: comics: Elaine & Mazikeen: hugrosaxx50 on April 21st, 2012 10:24 pm (UTC)
Oh my god, those meanings. They absolutely made my day.

...That awkward moment when you realize that if you had been born 50 years ago, you might just have hit that.
Kiwi Crocus: Hair || Green braid.cranky__crocus on April 21st, 2012 10:27 pm (UTC)
Teehee -- glad to have helped make your day!

...That awkward moment when you realize that if you had been born 50 years ago, you might just have hit that.
Alright, we really need to think up a word that means that.

And yes. I mean, no because it would be all timey-wimey Doctor-Who-y and she's my grandmother. But if I'd been my grandfather? Absolutely.

(Unfortunately, I can't say the same of my grandfather, what with my whole sexuality thing going on. But I would have pushed all my male-loving female friends at him.)

Okay. I guess I'm a little glad no one reminds me every day just how weird I am, since sometimes I remember all on my own.
Shivshiv5468 on April 21st, 2012 11:14 pm (UTC)
Kiwi Crocus: Agnes Moorehead || Writing.cranky__crocus on April 21st, 2012 11:55 pm (UTC)
Glad to provide some amusement. (:
?elsceetaria on April 21st, 2012 11:53 pm (UTC)
Those were amazingness!!!!

Thanks for posting!!!
Kiwi Crocus: Rainbow || OLSB-rocker-lady.cranky__crocus on April 21st, 2012 11:55 pm (UTC)
So pleased you enjoyed them as much as you did! :D
Maggiemagnetic_pole on April 23rd, 2012 02:48 am (UTC)
!!! A couple of these made me laugh out loud. M.
Kiwi Crocus: Shoes || Turquoise.cranky__crocus on April 27th, 2012 04:10 am (UTC)
Glad to hear it! Laughter is the best medicine - even when we don't particularly need it!