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04 March 2012 @ 12:10 am
And because it's not a day spent near my computer unless I spam you all to ocular frying...

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. I like this one. Very clever. I can see Lucius saying it, somehow.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. Not necessarily true.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. *Grins.* The dance-approving person in me agrees heartily.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Teeheehee.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. Indeed! Well, I suppose if it's the intention...but that moves into babytalk, and then to small humans, and that is a topic best left to others.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red. At least, in my experience.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away...) There’s a groaner.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes. Made me giggle.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed. :P

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. Feelin’ it.

Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under. This is for featherxquill.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed. I feel that sometimes. All the time.

This one is for me: A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis. Da dum ching.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. And that one’s just cute.

Took a Melatonin pill; hopefully it will help me get some good sleep tonight. My mind can be a mean whirring maching sometimes, especially at night. Time to tame the beast.

The beginning of today was stressful/frightening. The rest has been reasonable. Tomorrow is another day. And church in the mornin' dear Kiwi dear Kiwi, you've got church in the mornin' dear Kiwi oh my. (That was sung to "There's a Hole in my Bucket" - really better not to ask when my brain goes frizzle-frazzled.)
albalarkalbalark on March 4th, 2012 02:38 pm (UTC)
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red. I have proved that one to be truth on more than one occasion. :-P Seriously - these are a giggle and a groan - the way the best puns should be!

I hope you had a decent night's sleep, my dear! Thanks for sharing your funnies. :-)
Kiwi Crocus: Seasonal || Winter branch.cranky__crocus on March 5th, 2012 07:02 am (UTC)
Well, I don't know if you remember back in Spain when I got the epic panda burn on my face (there's a video/some pictures somewhere), but that is likely to happen the sun is and I make the mistake to be. Even while reading, alas, which does not grant me immunity. (Nor does sunblock, often, unless it's super strong and I reapply all the time. D:)

Ah, yes, giggles and groans - very punny.

Glad you enjoyed the funnies! ♥
þeof in þystro: Hatmothwing on March 4th, 2012 06:09 pm (UTC)
Love those puns! I giggled through all of them, and there are a good few I'm saving for later to treat unsuspecting relatives to. ♥ Lots of strength to you, dearest Kiwi.
Kiwi Crocus: Text || Be brave today.cranky__crocus on March 5th, 2012 07:02 am (UTC)
...and there are a good few I'm saving for later to treat unsuspecting relatives to.
*Grins.* The best kinds of puns. :B Glad you enjoyed them! And thank you for the wishes of strength! ♥
phyrablazephyrablaze on March 5th, 2012 06:59 am (UTC)
haha man, puns are the best.
I'd heard several of those already, but I really like "In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes." and "If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed."
Kiwi Crocus: Seasonal || Holiday kitties.cranky__crocus on March 5th, 2012 07:04 am (UTC)
Hahaha, glad you enjoyed them. :D I liked those to as well. :P (Actually, I only posted the ones I enjoyed; there were others in the email that didn't touch my fancy quite so much. Things like "Eat safely: use condiments." Although I did like the "Bikes can't stand on their own because they're two-tired."
phyrablaze: happy!mephyrablaze on March 5th, 2012 07:31 am (UTC)
Have you ever really thought about Ghandi? Walking around everywhere with no shoes, preaching his ideas, and eating whatever food kind strangers would offer to him, no matter the effects of all this on his feet, his breath, and his overall health. He really was a super-calloused, fragile mystic hexed by halitosis!

Or did you hear about last week's winning chess team? After their games were over, they retired back to their hotel for drinks. While talking in the lobby, other guests asked them how they had done. The team regaled all who would listen about their victories until the hotel manager came up and asked them to disperse. When asked why, he replied, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

And when thinking about all your traveling, I recalled one occasion when I was catching a flight out to Seattle. In front of me in line to get on the plane were two vultures, each having several dead animals that were really stinking up the place. Thankfully for our noses, their meals had to be taken to the hull of the plane, because the airline had a $25-per-carrion fee they just couldn't pay.

Kiwi Crocus: Alex || Laughing.cranky__crocus on March 5th, 2012 05:55 pm (UTC)
Ahahaha those are absolutely brilliant! I think I'm going to go send them to my old English teacher on Facebook. :B Thanks! *Still giggling.*
phyrablaze: surprised!mephyrablaze on April 3rd, 2012 09:25 am (UTC)
I'm glad you like them!
Puns are my favorite... if there are any new ones I've never heard... I have to share them with EVERYONE. Haha.
zee: alice smilezofbadfaith on March 5th, 2012 01:51 pm (UTC)
I'm actually a bit slow when it comes to puns, but I managed to understand all of them! And I think these are the best puns I've ever read XD
Kiwi Crocus: HP || McHooch || Kittyhawk away.cranky__crocus on March 5th, 2012 05:57 pm (UTC)
You know, I think puns are something that would really help ESL students - as a sort of test of their progress, and also a good, funny way to teach English (especially since a number of them have to do with different tenses). So pleased you understood and liked these! :D
Rosa | ¯\(ºдಠ)/¯: flatteredrosaxx50 on March 6th, 2012 05:27 am (UTC)
Your grandparents are the greatest. THESE PUNS ARE JUST SO CUTE.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

I must find a chance to use this. It's just too precious.
Kiwi Crocus: Animal || Cat Yes?cranky__crocus on March 18th, 2012 05:45 pm (UTC)
Teeheehee d'awr cutie-patootie icon! And yeah, my grandparents are definitely the greatest. :D

That is definitely a precious one. C: