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08 November 2011 @ 04:17 am

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Who is that, prowling through the candy store! It is Kiwi, hands clutching a studded crowbar! She grunts apocalyptically:

"I'm going to beat you so painfully, your pets won't recognize you!"

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(I like using Kiwi more than my screen-names.) Candy store: Not surprising. Studded crowbar: Less surprising than some things. Grunting apocalyptically: Certainly something I can be brought to. Battle cry: Well, I would consider that the epitome of a beating, so I suppose if something riled me up that much...watch yourselves.

In the car on the way to dinner my mother talked about jobs and was all depressed-sounding which never works well with my sad-and-angry-at-the-human-world thing, so I fell into dark thoughts with my iPod. About this whacky world humans have created that I often hate, but how I love humans individually and I love the natural-except-for-humans world, but do I want to live in the world we've created? In many ways no, but for that love and for my hope that little shreds of peace can be found in the unfolding of these odd/dark times, and to help bring others happiness...yes. Thought about my insecurity and my ego (clashing, almost, except that my insecurity sometimes feels like my ego gone victim).

I thought, "Fuck ego." And then somehow lots of that fear and anger about/at the world went away. I kept thinking it like a mantra and looking at what planning daydreams (the 'I should do this' scenes for the future) I pictured then, and I liked them. So "fuck ego" has become a rather common phrase in my brain. (It does not inspire me to be any more crass than usual; actually, most of it leads me to do things like apologise for being wrongly snarky at people who don't deserve it and just being myself without constantly worrying that I'm stupid and everybody hates me or I'm an arrogant fool and everybody hates me or I'm perfectly intelligent/lovable/adjusted so why is my life going to go all wrong and everybody hate me.)

Dinner with Mum, my Earthmothers(/Godmothers) and the hosting couple was lovely.

500 words on the novel. I can't even. But again, had an event on during my writing hours...so tomorrow, nothing better surprise me. It better be a day of nothing so I can do some something. Except I emailed Jenne back to say that of course I want another blanket-fort check-in video-chat, so if that happens tomorrow, I'm going for it. Nowhere does it say that one has to do the sensible, productive thing when love gets all tangled in.

Also HP fandom is wonderful. Love-meme. Doesn't get much better than those. (: hp_love_anon.

And this is me:

*Cuddles up in her bed for a good cuddle-sleep with her dog in a perfectly happy interspecies interaction.*
Current Mood: sleepySleepy.
minervas_eule: Mhiu kissminervas_eule on November 8th, 2011 09:59 am (UTC)
What an adorable little kitten-face :-))

of course I want another blanket-fort check-in video-chat, so if that happens tomorrow, I'm going for it. ... I keep my fingers crossed that that will be the case, the "sensible productive thing" will work all the better afterward ;-))
CaroRulescarorules on November 8th, 2011 03:13 pm (UTC)
Cutest cat ever!
?elsceetaria on November 8th, 2011 04:42 pm (UTC)
That is the cutest little kitten.

Your battle cry makes alot more sense than what I got when I did it. :/
Chevy Eliot: Shark - Smilin Great Whitetattooedsappho on November 9th, 2011 02:25 am (UTC)
yay for blanket fort video chat check ins! *\o/*

dark thoughts happen. if we didn't have dark thoughts we wouldn't have light (or rainbow or whatever colour you desire) thoughts either. i have no words of wisdom aimed specifically at your dark thoughts but i do believe things tend to work themselves out and the universe remains in balance. (and yeah, it sucks when the universe uses it's "ive been around for a few trillion years or so" perspective on balance compared to our "hey! we only got 100 years to live!" perspective.)

also, that kitten does not have a crowbar so it cannot be you! KITTEH NEEDS A CROWBAR! (crowbah? is kitteh from boston?)
Kiwi Crocuscranky__crocus on November 16th, 2011 02:12 am (UTC)
All kitties lead to Boston.

That is my wise response.
miriam englishmiriam_e on November 9th, 2011 03:29 am (UTC)
The dark thoughts are a problem, though as tattooedsappho points out, the light wouldn't feel very interesting without the dark. I too am pulled under at times by self-doubt and self-beat-ups. My current solution is to distract myself with something interesting. That's pretty easy because there are so damn many interesting things around us all the time. The hard part is realising what I'm doing to myself in time to avoid upsetting myself too much.

I have often thought about the truly brilliant book "Permutation City" by Greg Egan, in which throwaway mention is made at one point of a subsidiary character who alters their own mind to omit all the parts they don't like. When I feel tempted to hate some part of me I remember that character and how, if I did something like that, it would no longer be me. Like it or not, I need the uncomfortable bits to make me who I am. I'm pretty sure that remembering the stupid things I've done or said make me a better person now. Without them I'd blunder around making the same stupid mistakes again. I need the bad bits. Sad, but true. :)
Kiwi Crocuscranky__crocus on November 16th, 2011 02:16 am (UTC)
Thank you for this comment. (:

I think the dark thoughts come from the fact that I'm joining the 'real world' with all its various systems (health insurance systems, work schedule systems, anything really) and how I have spent much of my time raging against them. But now I'm forced to enter them, even in a small way, if I want to live. (The fact that I have a hip replacement and have to keep medical insurance on my brain is also constricting in a way that many of my peers don't yet need to consider.)

I've always been frustrated at the 'world' (the part of human society I witness around me), so of course I feel a little frustrated and helpless at having to join it in a more direct way what with leaving the bubble of institutionalised educational systems. (Not that those are even close to perfect, either; I've spent a good amount of time raging against them, too.)
fairy_fire: imagine me and youfairy_fire on November 9th, 2011 07:53 pm (UTC)
ahem... welll.. *red face*
Striding over the plains, attacking with two hardened pitas, cometh Neo! And she gives a mighty bellow:

"I'm seriously going to clobber you until you are hot and bothered!!"
Kiwi Crocus: Cat || McGonagacat.cranky__crocus on November 15th, 2011 03:58 am (UTC)
Re: ahem... welll.. *red face*
Hahaha your battle cry is by far my favourite of any I've seen! :D