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30 September 2011 @ 04:27 am
I have been failing rather tremendously at life lately so I have implemented a tool I used in junior high and high school: the Daily To Do List. This allows me to break down my TDL into manageable portions and allows me to grade my day. So, uh, using my perfectionist streak against me. It's also a little masochistic. I still end up leaving the most difficult tasks for last, of course...

Today I got an 81%, which would be an A+ by English standards, but I am no longer in England and an A+ on what I consider to be reasonable work (certainly not above average) will not motivate me, sadly. (It would have been great in my schooling years if good marks motivated me to continue getting good marks, rather than being motivated by fear of worse marks...)

So instead today's grade is a B-.

Especially since I still didn't finish the story I have an extension on when the extension deadline is Saturday. I have a few hundred words, but writing a few hundred words at a time shouldn't be too difficult for me, and it is. My last story shook what little confidence I had. I loved the idea, but it was poorly executed and I'm not at all fond of it (whereas I have a secret fondness for my other stories but will deny upon questioning).

This is gruelling. My Writer's Insecurity has never been this bad; I'm fretting over every. single. word. I mean, I've had my bouts with WI before (for every story), but I've always fallen into a writer's trance in the end and then I'm Off Off and Away! It's not even the etceteras (as the sexy-scenes have now been titled by therealsnape) that are getting to me, but everything! Argh. I was really excited to write this story. I am really excited to write this story. Or I would be, if I were just writing it to read to myself and hide away again.

Maybe I should just write it pretending that no-one will read it. Although I've never been good at pretending things when it's an attempt to fool my mind. I wish I could just stay anonymous during this fest, but people will know which story is mine anyway because that's what happens and and and...

I'm getting to the point that I just want to cuss and cry, so I'll go to sleep instead. I will get this done tomorrow, somehow. EEERRRRGGGGHHH. Sod fests. Sod the lot of them! And sex! Sod sex! Fests, sex, writing--out the window with the bath water, you lot, and good riddance!

*Teenage face-flop onto her bed.*
Current Mood: aggravatedAggravated.
therealsnape: Poppy medicinetherealsnape on September 30th, 2011 10:01 am (UTC)
There, there, my dear. *pats head* You'll manage to write your story, you'll see.

Quite often, inspiration is knowing a story has to be finished today. That's not one of mine, it's one of a quite famous Dutch writer and poet. His son, (this is totally irrelevant) translated the Potter books, btw. So you're in good company.

I've hesitated between OLSB Poppy and "Here's a nice dose of Inspiro Potion", and decided on the latter after all. You don't want to be reminded of the etceteras right now. (How lovely of you to remember that description of mine). And believe me, I've sweated over my etceteras for Samhain_Smut. You're totally right: we're insane to sign up for fests and even crazier to sign up for Fests where Smut Must Happen. We'll never do it again. That is to say, 2012 will see a Better!Kiwi and Better!TRS - first, there's Hoggywarty.

Now, make yourself a nice pot of tea, sit down, and write the story. You may be totally disenchanted with it, but I dare say we aren't.

Kelly: cowboy songddagent on September 30th, 2011 10:11 am (UTC)

You can do it sweetie! I have *tons* of faith in you that a) you are awesome and b) that you can get your fic done on time! You just need faith, chocolate and to be less hard on yourself. You can do anything! :D

Gloryforestofglory on September 30th, 2011 01:46 pm (UTC)
I have been using a daily todo list. But I think grading it would just stress me out more then I need. It's hard to get everything done in a day
Seekcoldthermistor on September 30th, 2011 05:28 pm (UTC)
Good luck with the story. I can't say much for Writer's Insecurity and all because I think we all have it :( Or at least, once it comes, it takes over your mind and god it's so difficult to get through!

I hope inspiration will come, though! If I find a muse-spark or anything, I'll send it your way through wireless!
tt: Bitchtwisted_twister on October 8th, 2011 12:14 am (UTC)
No clever tips, just a hug ♥

I know this is an old post and that your story is done, so keep this hug for the next bout of WI. I know exactly how this feels.

Lovya, kid!