Kiwi Crocus (cranky__crocus) wrote,
Kiwi Crocus
cranky__crocus

  • Mood:
Caught up on Livejournal quite a bit and catching up on Tumblr some before I settle down for some room cleaning.



I'm not sure why this little clip gets to me so much. I think it's the clear affection. I've always seen Maggie as a deeply-felt but controlled person, yet watching this clip it's clear that she can't--or won't or both--control the affection she has for Judi Dench. I love that it's zapped right back to Maggie and that we get this little taster of the laughter and fondness they shared (and still share) over Scrabble and whatever drink Maggie mentioned that my drink-dense mind missed.

Yes, I think it's that.

I don't mean to personalise it, but my mind is off off and away on a unicorn I can't catch, so here it is anyway: I was told by a dear relative the other day that I am a very Controlled Person, and that even though she can feel a warm energy/vibe from me in that I will be friendly, she always senses the clear control and boundaries--a sort of a box or a wall, almost. I think I've always known (bullied children often create self-containing walls for self-preservation and they're hard to shake) but it was my first time hearing it mentioned so clearly; that knowledge of myself and how I present (however unconsciously) has always saddened me some.

I guess what has been on my mind, then, and was brought to the forefront by this lovely clip, is that I hope if I were in Maggie's shoes (hah! and let's subtract the fame), my affection for my dear-heart friends would shine through, too. I would never want to be so controlled as to miss out on that.

(It was also nice to know that at this point in my life, I feel there are people I am close with who would stand up and speak on my behalf with that much clear affection, too. I hardly felt that in high school or younger years and would certainly never have had the trust or confidence to say it. It means a lot that even as I've been feeling dark, I can still feel it. I am thankful every day to have ended up with friends who will look me in the eye and say, "Kiwi, we love you--thank you for coming out!" when they know it's hard for me to leave the house.)

And now I've gone all maudlin over a Maggie clip! So much for control. (; But then, journal entries are different. Off I go for some cleaning...that should sober up my emotions real quick.

Here's to all of you, and to hoping that you have people in your lives for whom you feel this much affection and who feel this much affection for you! And that you can find trust and confidence in that! ♥
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