Kiwi Crocus (cranky__crocus) wrote,
Kiwi Crocus

How to Fail at Revising for Exams:

    1) Start thinking about your personal Hell Week all irrationally and with prominent paranoia until your stomach is all in knots and you feel as though the top of your skull is going to pop off, bounce off the ceiling and knock you out.

    2) Move all around but find yourself unable to get rid of the jitters.

    3) Take a teddy bear or pillow and press it to your face. SCREAM. Breathe in through the screaming apparatus. SCREAM AGAIN, LOUDER AND LONGER. Let the scream trail off pathetically until you can scream no more.

    4) Take a deep breath and comfort your poor teddy bear/pillow. Realise that you still feel your cells all trying to run off in different directions.

    5) Play the most ridiculous song you can think of (example: Macarena by Los Del Rio). Dance around your room until you are laughing. Once the song is through, drink some water and sit down to revision again. looooot, I think I have really lost the plot. I think I lost it when I managed to lose my shirt during Macarena (I really don't remember that happening). Next up seems to be Michael Jackson's Black or White.

Yup, I really think the plot is lost. I KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO. I should learn about reproductive biotechnologies for the conservation of endangered mammalian species, since I finished with horses yesterday. DID YOU KNOW THAT THERE WAS A MARE WHO BASICALLY GAVE BIRTH TO HERSELF, SINCE SHE GAVE BIRTH TO HER OWN CLONE? Talk about mother-daughter resemblance. That would be one interesting horsey-household.

Professor Wilhelmina Grubbly-Plank would have no idea what to do with me, I imagine. But at least I could help her run a captive breeding programme using artificial insemination... Though I think we'd both prefer it the natural way, when push came to shove. Harry Potter, why aren't you real again? Okay well I don't personally care if you're real (shockgaspalarm blasphemy!) but why isn't your world real?

If you, uh, *cough*, want to feel super empowered as a woman:


Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!"
[Robin Williams]
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