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03 May 2011 @ 02:07 am
I have a dream.

I have a dream in which a kind and lovely time!faerie (with a cool name like Astrid or Calista) flies into my room on sparkly insect wings and stares at me, rainbow arching from palm to palm, as she tells me that I am adequate and wonderful and my life will side-step my expectations and surprise me and make me happy.

I look at her and say, "You're silly."

And she stares right back at me and says, "No I'm not. Silly is your speciality."

I consider this for a moment and then nod. I decide that if she can know something like that about me, I may have to take her words more seriously. She seems to sense this and continues on.

"Don't worry so much in the Now. The future you're fearing is made up of Nows too, and truth be told - you know this deep down - you'll probably yield to those Nows, embrace the moments good bad or unlabelled, and you will be fine. The fact that you will continue to be fine - continue to be happy, even, but stand up again each time anyway - says more about you than any letter of the alphabet ever will. You'll work or dance or struggle through the future Nows, but the result is the same: you'll live them. You're excellent at living - you exceed expectations at living - and that's the real test. Don't let the future Nows put too much weight on these ones; it isn't worth it, not when you'll get through without the concern anyway. Don't worry. You will have a wonderful life (because you excel at living) and you yourself will be wonderful, even if it is often soft and quiet and understated and unnoticed; that doesn't make it any less true. Remember not to worry, but to wonder."

I look to my teddy bear - as multicoloured as the faerie - and hug it close. At last I look up. "You're still silly," I decide, blinking, "but you may be a little bit right, too."

She smiles, grins and laughter all in the lines of it too, and knows I'm not ready to say "you're right" yet, but it's somewhere in all my cells, snuggled up with my inherent sense of wonder.

(I'm coming to terms with being a B Student, that identity I avoided all through high school. I want to befriend it. I want B to stand for Brilliant and Brave and Beautiful and Brazen and Barefoot Blissful; I want being a B to be so wondrous and fulfilling that I need to spend my time getting there. That it isn't a fall from A at all, has nothing to do with falling or failing, has everything to do with Being - Being a B. If A stands for "Exceeds Expectations" as well as "Apple", then let me be a B, which will stand for "Banana" and "Brilliant Bittern" but hold no bitterness. "First is the worst! Second is the best!" [Although in all honesty I may be the line after: "Third is the one with the Treasure Chest!" (; ] I spot some humour there too; I must not be dying then. C:

I also imagine my room being clean without my cleaning it. But even I know the difference between dreams and fantasies.)


Those who dwell among the beauties and mysteries of the earth are never alone or weary of life.
[Rachel Carson]
Current Mood: dorkyDreaming.
Nicki: beautifulperoxidepirate on May 3rd, 2011 02:45 am (UTC)
Aw, will you be my time!faerie? You have the silliness and the good advice and the cool name. ;)

Would it be all right if I take that paragraph that starts, "Don't worry so much in the Now..." and incorporate it into a wallpaper so I will see it every day?

Also, since B is for Beautiful, I have to use the "Beautiful" icon. :D
Kiwi Crocus: Text || Beautiful things like you.cranky__crocus on May 3rd, 2011 02:59 am (UTC)
I will gladly be your time!faerie! D'awr. *Turns red and smiles.* Thank you! (I would love to be a Faerie Kiwi. I need to find some nice wings to wear - I think I'm short enough to pull it off. :B )

Absolutely, go ahead and take the paragraph! If you do make it into a paragraph, do please send a link my way! Wish I still had all the programs to do graphics up nice - I'd make one with a rose & rose vine in one corner and a lark in the opposite one, words somewhere in the middle. (No, we have nooo idea what that's alluding to in my life. :P )

Lovely icon! Let's see which one I choose. *Browses.* Perfect. :D
Nickiperoxidepirate on May 3rd, 2011 11:30 am (UTC)

I will post up the wallpaper on Photobucket and link you, if I manage to make it.

Also, if you're looking for a free graphics program, I recommend Paint.net. It doesn't do brushes or animated gifs, but it does most other things I want it to do.
minervas_eule: MHiU: hat patminervas_eule on May 3rd, 2011 06:09 am (UTC)
Your "B"s are brilliant indeed...so 'be-coming' ;-))
But the position of 'Third': 'the one with the Treasure Chest' sounds even better *gg*.

Your last line made me laugh so much - I have to quote that to my youngest (although last weekend she DID clean up...when I finally had given up all hope to see that happen before she'll move out ;-) ).
CaroRulescarorules on May 3rd, 2011 02:26 pm (UTC)
B is a beautiful grade!
Vee: witchvenomebat on May 4th, 2011 01:35 am (UTC)
Being a B is not so bad it is not the letter grade that determines your worth as a student but your desire to learn and always do better than you did last time.

Also I thought you would enjoy these - http://www.etsy.com/listing/73397199/rainbow-lady-amherst-feathers?ref=v1_other_2
A friend of mine just added to them to her shop and I instantly thought of you