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01 May 2011 @ 04:52 pm
It's back. Oh, it's back it's on it's back it's on it's *sigh.*

Nights are frightening because nights mean 'tomorrow' is riding in on the dawn.

I want to be awake during the day when I am less afraid, but when I can't sleep through the night because I'm crying or pushing down panic attacks or whimpering curled up with my teddy in bed, I can't be awake through the whole day because I need to catch the sleep.

I'm taking melatonin before sleep but it doesn't help much when my mind forces my body to forget how to breathe properly.

*Palmforehead.* Today I was crying reading through a Mammalian Reproduction lecture; I have never felt so stupid in the entirety of my life. I was reading and looking up terms and interpreting diagrams and nuttin' - nothing makes sense to me. I had to skip a quarter of the lecture purely because I didn't understand. Fantabs. Hopefully the next lecture I start on won't make me cry.

My exams start in 4 days. There have been more tears over the 'exams in x days' realisation than there were over my hip fracture, core decompression, fibula graft, bad hip news and hip replacement put together. That is so ridiculous I can't even comprehend it.

So. Do you all have any stories about classes you just couldn't twig, but got through anyway, since time just keeps marching on? (I know this too shall pass - it's a motto of mine - but it doesn't always work too well with the stubborn-minded, does it?) Would you like commiserate together?

I want to go to the beach. *Sighs and stares at icon with longing.*


They say goldfish have no memory; I guess their lives are much like mine and the little plastic castle is a surprise every time. And it's hard to say if they're happy but they don't seem much to mind.
[Ani DiFranco; Little Plastic Castle]
Current Mood: rejectedRejected.
therealsnape: MM/SS Rather good at magictherealsnape on May 2nd, 2011 08:16 am (UTC)
I don't know whether it counts, but I couldn't twig maths. To such an extent that I failed on troll-level. As you see, I'm still alive.

Also, there's a story that's so absolutely made for you; my first idea was Kiwi must read this. You'll find it here. Not older ladies, but a Luna that speaks words of wisdom and a terrific Hermione, too. Treat yourself to this.
Kiwi Crocus: Ani D || Brain disconnectedcranky__crocus on May 2nd, 2011 04:12 pm (UTC)
Maths. Oh, maths. It's probably good I was able to drop that at 18. Though I miss learning it, sometimes. Maths was a case of 'click' learning for me (not much like dog-training, but the potential for it) in that I wouldn't get it wouldn't get it wouldn't get it, teacher would mention something in a new way and *click* oh look at that I've got it! (Though sometimes I needed reminding. :B) And, since teachers usually rewarded me at the instant it happened, it wasn't entirely unlike dog training. (; But that was when there were limited letters and symbols in with all the numbers...I raise my eyebrows when an equation hasn't actually got any numbers.

I completed my Oh Snapely One homework assignment for my Relaxation and Leisure class! It's a lovely story. Save the imaginary creatures (mine are a bit different and tend to include unicorns and faeries (; ), my mind often works that way. I did a lot of blinking as I read the story. "So that's how I could word it..."

If only I could get daydreams to work with diminishing exam stress, rather than just making me feel guilty for the moments I've lost myself to my mind-lands!

Thank you for sending along the story! I appreciate it very much. ♥
CaroRulescarorules on May 2nd, 2011 01:51 pm (UTC)
So sorry this is such a hard time, but remember you are strong and you'll get through it. *hug*
Kiwi Crocus: HP || Hufflepuff hug.cranky__crocus on May 2nd, 2011 04:13 pm (UTC)
Thank you! ♥ *Hugs back!*
Just mekatimonk on May 4th, 2011 02:56 am (UTC)
Entry level stats brought me to tears on a weekly basis. I'd cry during my homework and during exams. The only reason I passed was due to working with tutors multiple times per week. Oh, and doing every scrap of extra credit I could get. I'd already dropped the class once and had to have it in order to move on. I had no choice but to push on unless I wanted to major in basketweaving. It was the hardest I've ever worked for a C+. Missed a B by 3 points. Which, in a way, sucked more than if I'd failed.

I'm a grade obsessor too. If I'm not getting a 4.0 I'm not happy. This term I haven't studied nearly as much as normal, but I'm still getting good grades.

Hang in there. You're nearly done!!