Kiwi Crocus (cranky__crocus) wrote,
Kiwi Crocus
cranky__crocus

Mother.

Sometimes she just annoys me with the way she talks about people.

I went down to Lisa's (neighbor) yard sale. Talked with her and Sharon. Bought a cool watch for a dollar so now all I need are batteries, and they're cheap. Sharon lent me lesbian erotica 'cause she's funny and fun like that.

Came home. Mum laughed about the erotica. When I mentioned that the watch had been Lisa's favorite out of the ones she was selling, Mum made some comment about how she doubted it. I said Lisa had told me that AFTER I'd bought it.

She gave me a look. The other comments and things she made... it just hurts.

I know Lisa has messed up. Well, so has my mother. So have I. We all hurt people sometimes.

And you know what? I don't want to put myself above other people no matter how many people push me to do it. It doesn't make me feel any better. I don't need to do it.

But when Mum talks so judgementally about some of the people I love, it hurts.

I know she's just "trying to protect me". Well, I learned on my own. I know not to stand by the phone waiting for Lisa to call. I know how to get along with Lisa and how she's so often in her business-woman mood. I like her that way and I also like her when she's out of that mood and into a playful one.

I asked her to stop talking about Lisa, Sharon, and others that way. How I don't like it. She turned self-righteous and we didn't get anywhere.

Will have to have true, deep conversation about it and express how it's painful and I KNOW that I can only go so far with these people but that they've always been there when I needed them and it hurts to hear them spoken of in a lesser way. I'd rather have the friendship/love/whatever now and be hurt later than to have nothing with them now.

Just ugh.

I'm going to go watch Imagine Me & You and do some stuff to make me feel better.
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