Kiwi Crocus (cranky__crocus) wrote,
Kiwi Crocus

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I'm sorry for my posts lately. I'm not usually like this, or at least I don't think I am, but I can't really remember... I think I usually have fluctuations as many people do, but that I'm generally alright with laughing quite a bit of it off? I haven't felt like this since I was 15 and had surgery then found out my hip was dead / 17 and decided to go for a hip replacement.

I think I'll stick to trying not to post, keeping it short when I do and only freely allowing myself to post when something has managed to lift my mood long enough to log onto livejournal.

I would call this a livejournal hiatus, but I'm not really strong enough for that and I've been here since I was 13, so I won't call it that. I'm not sure what this is.

I want the old me back in my head. =( I know she would crack a joke right now, and I'd be laughing away at myself alone in my room, not caring that I appeared crazy - because it would be good crazy, the kind of crazy that copes and cleans herself and leaves bed, and not this. I hate when the voice I consider 'me' leaves, but then I'm still here, only who does that make me if I don't recognise myself?

UGHSTOPITKIWI. You wanted to be less depressing, remember?

You all are completely forgiven for not commenting on any of my entries. I wouldn't know what to say either. Edited: No, no, that didn't come out right! I was trying to think of the right word but I couldn't and forgiven was close but now I realise it makes it sound as though I'm accusing you all of not commenting on past entries, which isn't true, you've all been fantastic with commenting and I only meant that you all are sort of forgiven-in-advance, off the hook I mean, with commenting on future entries. Because I will completely understand not having anything to say / the right thing to say / a comfortable thing to say - I've totally been there. Dark entries are hard to respond to, so I wanted to make sure that none of you feel pressured into it or guilty at all if you can't/don't want to comment! Only I went and said pretty much the exact opposite. I'm sorry. =(


A woman is like a teabag. You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water.
[Eleanor Roosevelt]
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