- I am eating a Nutella-and-grape sandwich.
- She doesn't stop crying for attention/feeding/general care and prevents me from sleeping.
- She crawls into bed at night when she's scared she has done something wrong/has lost something/won't be able to do something and has nightmares; I am then also kept from sleep.
- She wakes me up in the morning far earlier than I would like and guilts me into staying awake.
- She always wants to stay up late and keep my attention, even when I tell her to go to sleep because it is Mum-to-Herself Time.
- I am afraid I am doing everything wrong with her and it leaves me in fits of angst, self-doubt and whinging.
- I am afraid that I won't get enough into her before it is time for her to leave me. (I am also afraid she is inadvertently picking up the wrong things and is keeping those with her instead!)
- I am frightened silly by the thought of letting her go out into that big bad world, how she will do and (selfishly) how it will reflect on me.
- The whole process is often a pain in the arse, but there are these beautiful moments in which everything clicks, and sometimes, in a moment of honest self-reflection and clarity, I might even tell you that I enjoy it and wouldn't completely mind doing it again, now that I'm getting the knack...but then I'd be right back onto the whinging.
Back to my sandwich and feelings of OH MY GOODNESS I CAN'T DO THIS EVERYTHING IS WRONG NOTHING IS GOING RIGHT I AM GOING TO MESS HER UP SO MUCH I AM A MESS! (My mind prefers the "can't can't can't" reel even when I really need it to change over to the "can can can" reel. Ah well. This is my mind, and I live in it - usually.)
Do you have any to add?
Those who dwell among the beauties and mysteries of the earth are never alone or weary of life.