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18 January 2011 @ 06:51 am
Sometimes I feel as though I'm just pretending, any time I think or say that I know anything about myself at all beyond the very basics, and even with those sometimes.

Does anyone else feel that way? That we can't really know anything like that, because it all feels too subjective and situational and sentimental?

Finished the all-nighter, slept six hours (don't know why I woke up) and had a really intense conversation about friendship and romance and where those two mingle. I feel raw. It's okay.

Today is the first day of term. I have lecture in two hours and fifteen minutes. I'm going to try to get another nap in. Everything just feels a bit...strange. And as though I don't actually know anything at all.

I wish someone could just flip an 'objective' switch in my head so that, for once, I could just take a look at myself objectively and see where to go from there, rather than through all my mind gook and through how friends and ex-friends must (have) seen me and all the assumptions that come from that. I wish I could stop switching between this 'high up on myself' and 'low down on myself' see-saw and get somewhere in the middle, or off the playground all-together.

I guess what I'm looking for, in the end, is to be freed from Ego. And doesn't that put me splat in the middle of a whole bunch of philosophy and religion? :P


You'll be with me like a hand print on my heart.
Current Mood: weirdWeird.
music_is_breath: dancermusic_is_breath on January 18th, 2011 04:08 pm (UTC)
Oh you got a beautiful 'Black Swan' icon and I'm jealous! :)
Gonna see this movie next week and soo looking forward to it...
ubiquitousmixieubiquitousmixie on January 18th, 2011 05:31 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Feel free to snag it if you like! The movie is amazing; I've seen it 5 times. Enjoy it!
music_is_breath: ballet_Black Swanmusic_is_breath on January 22nd, 2011 12:01 am (UTC)
wow... I wish I had the time or the money to watch it that often! :) Well thank you! :)