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06 January 2011 @ 02:57 pm
on sunday i was on the lesbian-gay (hope it is someday more inclusive of the alphabet soup umbrella lgbtqqiaspueverything) and tried to express to the kidlings how everyone, everyone has to come out, not just people under the alphabet soup umbrella. believe in god around non-believers, or not around believers? religious in an outspokenly atheist group? yankees fan amongst red sox? someone who prefers not to read around voracious literary butterflies?

the fear for coming out is for being contrary-to-the-norm in a way that you fear will mean you are judged and treated differently, as less human or less valued in some capacity. we all have to come out as things.

you all know i love my grammar. i love the way a word looks when spelled correctly, how easy it is on the eyes, whether with a 'u' or not, with the soft 's' or a jazzed-up 'z'. i have taken steps down the road toward embracing the feminine curve-and-halt of the semi-colon, the alluring and intriguing and beckoning two hanging dots of the colon.

but i enjoy having fun with it. capitalising things Here and There to bring importance from my mind, rather from grammatical rules drummed into me through primary, junior, high school and Science Training university. i invent words and phrases. i put my strange mind to the task of language.

today i am coming out as someone who loves giving her pinkies a rest.

i love the aesthetic softness and uniformity of no capitalisation, save where there is the writer's desire to Stress Importance (did the reading voice in your head just read that differently?). i love how i become no longer important just because i am 'i,' not 'I,' regardless of where i am in the sentence - yet i am softly important with my dotted self, for everything is equally important where there are no rules guiding what letters should tower over others. you - you There! you are an Important Building! i am but a sheep with no name - but now, i have a Name, so i am important now too! or if i come first, i am important too! Sheep with no name, i am - and like yoda i speak, yo ho, yo ho!

but if you are an important building, and i am a sheep with no name, and we have no rules...now we are both important or not important together. it's egalitarian. i, the nameless sheep, very much appreciate this; do you find the same appreciation, important building? you protect people; i clothe people: how valued we are!

this is the state of my mind today. if my dotted 'i's and lack of self-importance offend you, i am honestly very sorry - i know grammar rules can be important, oh i promise i do! but sometimes i like to bend or drop a rule here and there, just to remember how i like to live. (:

try it some time - perhaps you will feel freer than you thought you would! or, perhaps, your pinkies will smile up at you with gratitude. (i know, for instance, that i only ever use the right pinky for shifting - how overworked it must feel, and how neglected and undervalued my left one must feel!)

this is my brain.


You'll be with me like a hand print on my heart.
Current Mood: deviousdevious.
Current Music: world spins madly on - the weepies
music_is_breath: ballonsmusic_is_breath on January 6th, 2011 08:23 pm (UTC)
I like your brain! :)
More important I love how you light up my f-list every now and then with entries like this... you always leave a smile on my face. So thanks for that!

And what a good point you are making with the 'everyone has to come out'-theorie. So true, but still... why is there the feeling that one coming-out is easier then the other?

I just recently had an interesting lecture about how we as humans are supposed to be individuals but only to the degree that the norm is allowing and how paradox our society is working regarding it! I guess this goes in the exact same direction...
Kiwi Crocuscranky__crocus on January 10th, 2011 01:56 am (UTC)
thank you! i'm glad someone else appreciates my ridiculous brain. :D *blushes* light up your flist! what high praise! awwr, so glad you get some smiles out of my entries!

i don't know why there is the feeling that one coming-out is easier than the other; it seems like the sort of thing you can't really compare and everyone has different tolerances for them.

mm, i think a lot about that too... like, society has room for a certain acceptable degree of eccentricity/strangeness, but once you surpass that allowable 'norm' of non-normal, people are unsure what to do with you--you've exceeded the allowances they've distinguished, so what do they do with you? it's incredibly odd.
tinafey30rocksmysocksstephany323 on January 6th, 2011 09:52 pm (UTC)
:) I like your take on the everyone should come out business. Very true. With emotions especially! I hate feeling dumb everytime I cry during extreme make over home edition. Be what you are! Being cautious is no fun! :p
Kiwi Crocuscranky__crocus on January 10th, 2011 01:58 am (UTC)
oh, man, no! everyone should cry when (s)he feels the need to cry! i mean, i understand people can't always come out as everything all the time, but i think people would feel better if they acknowledged that it's difficult to come out as all sorts of thing and that we should feel some empowerment for doing so - not just gay people and whatnot! and i feel like it would lead to some more compassion, too, if everyone understood that coming out as anything contra-normal (in whatever conceived capacity) is difficult.
tinafey30rocksmysocksstephany323 on January 10th, 2011 09:55 pm (UTC)
i agree completely. I think that it's the fear of a person's own insecurity that leads to a lack of compassion for others. If everyone just let everyone live their own lives with no judgement, but just support and compassion the world would be a better place :)
lash_laruelash_larue on January 6th, 2011 11:21 pm (UTC)
Paper is canvas.

Words are paint.

there is ample room for Shading and Blending, itwouldbeboringotherwise.

As for outcomings, I borrow a line from James Herriot, "Big steps, and little 'uns."

hearts are hearts, and i am endlessly grateful that there are people like you that embrace mine.

Kiwi Crocuscranky__crocus on January 10th, 2011 01:59 am (UTC)
i completely Adore how you've responded to this entry.

awwr. *blushes.* and i'm so grateful that there are people like you out there, embracing mine right back! a hug given is a hug shared. (:
101mutts: Britomartis butterfly101mutts on January 7th, 2011 04:06 am (UTC)
awwwwr, i love what you said to the Owls about coming out. how True. i've always wondered why it was necessary to 'come out' as gay and not as straight. everyone being straight until proved otherwise and the like. such a good point and it also elegantly makes being gay seem like less of a big deal even though the very Act of having a Gay-Lesbian day in Owl and not a straight day make it a bigger deal.

SmileS at the graMmar. e.e. cummings. every seen the poem of his on the hillside in the Forest Hills cemetery, where he is buried?
yours trulyonebrightmoment on January 7th, 2011 04:50 am (UTC)
this is lovely. makes me smile! and I like to rest my pinkies too. mostly. :)
Kiwi Crocuscranky__crocus on January 10th, 2011 02:01 am (UTC)
glad it brought a smile. (: i love resting my pinkies. well, pinky. my right one does far too much work.
(Deleted comment)
Kiwi Crocuscranky__crocus on January 10th, 2011 02:01 am (UTC)
yay smiley! i love smiley!
gerristgerrist on January 7th, 2011 10:36 pm (UTC)
uncapped kiwi said, "and like yoda i speak, yo ho, yo ho!"

but might that also be ... "and like yoda i speak, ho yo, ho yo!?" : )