Kiwi Crocus (cranky__crocus) wrote,
Kiwi Crocus

  • Mood:
So far today I have failed to get dressed, failed to clean my room and failed to write a fanfic. I have instead read one of kellychambliss' stories. Hermione's POV. Got to me much more than I expected.

In the middle, I was downstairs nibbling a little breakfast. Mum and Da found themselves in the kitchen too. (Even after Mum's, "Kiwi! What are you doing up! It's 10 o'clock! You clearly aren't a teenager anymore. Your father and I are still sleeping. We are teenagers.") Dweeb came down to drink some chocolate milk before heading off to work at Ruby Tuesday's.

We were all in the same room. That hasn't happened in ages. So, naturally, we all made fun of each other and whinged. It was fun.

Kelly's story made me cry. The state of my room - and the juxtaposition of my mind's template for this 'new room' I want layered over the reality - makes me groan.

I was happy until my mother told me a few moments ago that I've gained weight since my Solstice visit. I hate being the sort of girl who cares, except that I always care, because since my injury and operations I have always felt too fleshy. I hate when people tell me I've lost weight, gained weight, anything-weight...I hate that I have a weight, and that it might fluctuate, and that people might care.

That and I'm not sure I agree, or that if I do agree, I'm frustrated...because I wasn't any more active before winter-time. I walked to and from campus, yes...but presently I work at a nature camp where I am out walking every day. Perhaps I was starving myself then. Heck if I know.

Poppy's pants, am I a moody little one today. My mother wants me to go to the shops and CVS for supplies and food for camp. I need to get out of this mood and into the next one.

This morning, I felt young and curvaceous-but-fit and right. Right now I feel too old for my age and fat and wrong. Wow, world, I'm glad to know you're so objective today. Subjective sucks, science says. Kiwi agrees. Sod off, delusional reality!

laskfdlkafdlkafd summer frustration. I need to spend more time naked, and less time listening to my ridiculous little mind. Even less time offering ears to others. Who cares about descriptive labels that may or may not apply to my body, if I like it anyway?
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