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29 April 2010 @ 02:28 pm
Well. I really do have two exams tomorrow. 24 hours from now I will be in my second exam.

I haven't had a panic attack. That's progress. I've had two sessions of tears, but they were just frustrated and sad - exams aren't enjoyable, so the idea of going in for two of them tomorrow is plainly not nice. Mainly tears of 'I really don't want to do this again.' Big improvement on last year when I was hyperventilating, being sent to the head of halls and then getting checked on every day by the cleaning ladies, eh? :P

I've made it through all the lecture materials for the two courses. Do I remember it as well as I want to? No. Will I do spectacularly on these exams? No. Have I done all the revision I want to do? No. But I've done my best with the little time offered - I've been revising straight on since Monday morning, pretty much.

It's only 2pm so I'm going to keep going through stuff and gazing at extra reading. First I'm going to go downstairs and make some pasta so I have lunch and dinner all set.

No idea what's going on for the Environment in Practice group writeup. I mentioned a possible extension on the extenuating circumstances form and got an email asking what the best dates were. I sent them along. I was emailing back and forth with Simon and he mentioned being 'notified of my extenuating circumstances' but made no mention of what they were, nor did the office. I sent him an email in response two days ago expressing that I didn't know if I had the extension, but either way I would be waiting the extra week to give it in even if meant losing 10% and that yes, I would love to meet with him to go over stats and where I'm going wrong. I figure losing 10% on one Enviro in Practice assignment isn't the worst that can happen - I have an A average for the other 55% of the course and I think I did reasonably on my River Cole assignment, so I should be able to pull through with a pretty good mark in the course.

Working very hard not to be overwhelmed. All I have to do is get through tomorrow and none of my days will be quite so stressful in another long while. Well, today too - in a way spending whole days revising for exams and wondering what will be on them is worse than spending the 1.5hours in the room with the questions there on the desk.

Point of amusement: The exam that reminds me most of Harry Potter (Introduction to the History and Philosophy of Science, which mentions the Philosopher's Stone) is happening in the place that reminds me most of Harry Potter - the Great Hall on London Campus. Hopefully when I'm in there I'll remember singing Christmas carols in there and it'll keep me calm.

I have to think of a really great gift for myself for if I get through all this without an anxiety attack! I'll be the first time since I was 15 - half a decade - for getting through difficult school stuff without completely breaking down. Hope I can do it! I feel so much saner than I ever have with school stuff.
CaroRulescarorules on April 29th, 2010 02:04 pm (UTC)
Hang in there, I know this is stressful but you can do it!!
Kiwi Crocuscranky__crocus on April 29th, 2010 02:19 pm (UTC)
Awwr, thank you, you are very kind! ♥
kellychambliss: Controlkellychambliss on April 29th, 2010 02:07 pm (UTC)
Good luck! I know you'll do fine, but I also know that at this point, it doesn't help to have people tell you so /g/ I never found any way out of exam stress (you should have seen my massive freak-out over my PhD orals), but it's always such a wonderful feeling when you finish and know you have made a good showing.

Do I remember it as well as I want to? No.

No. You never will. Because we perfectionists establish unreachable ideals in our heads. But you probably know it as well as (if not better than) you need to.

And sure, there's always a chance (slim, though), of failure or mediocrity. But if it happens, you'll find that nothing really changes: you'll still be smart, teachers will still be impressed by you overall, and you'll do better next time. One of the things my advanced age /g/ has taught me is that I can not do well at something and still be fine.

I'll be thinking of you; let us know how it goes.
Kiwi Crocus: HP || Dead keyboard.cranky__crocus on April 29th, 2010 02:36 pm (UTC)
You are so very sweet, thank you! Taking the time to comfort a student across the ocean when you're groaning at some of your own students' responses. (:

I sure hope I'm taking it in!

I suppose the frustrating thing is that I know all this - it just doesn't sink down to the level that I need to keep calm. Historically it hasn't, at least. I swear this is the calmest I have ever been for exams/big school marks. When I do get mediocre marks back (haven't failed anything yet...crosses fingers), I don't tend to mind it very much. I'm certainly one of those people who does better with knowing and accepting than dealing with the unknown.

One of the things my advanced age /g/ has taught me is that I can not do well at something and still be fine.

What I've been learning through this university process is that I do very well with coursework. I chose an exam-based system (partially for the 'new experience' - shoot me next time I think along those lines!) and have found exams are not my strong point. My hope is that by knowing this, I'll have something to bring up in interviews, especially if I don't do as well as I'd hope through university. Exam-like situations don't seem to occur much in the 'real world', from what I've seen, at least not in a high proportion with the occurrence of coursework-like dealings.

So in the end, of course, I'll always be okay! My dense skull just doesn't always appreciate knowing this and prefers to melodramatically headdesk.
redbeargrlredbeargrl on April 29th, 2010 06:35 pm (UTC)
Ugh! I remember exam time. (Of course, we were using stone tablets in those days.) I'll keep a candle burning on my altar for you all day tomorrow.
What the hell....can't hurt!
Kiwi Crocuscranky__crocus on May 4th, 2010 10:57 am (UTC)
Laughter. Thank you. (: I made it through the first two and I never want to have two exams in one day ever again!
(Deleted comment)
Kiwi Crocuscranky__crocus on May 4th, 2010 10:59 am (UTC)
Hugs - thank you for those words! And I'm sure the crossed fingers helped.

Laughter, yes, it is an interesting course, I'll certainly give it that. Although I'm not so excited for Weed Biology & Control and Statistics, my next two exams, Thursday and Friday. The first one is probably my most dreaded lecture!
101mutts: Brewster with ball101mutts on April 29th, 2010 08:11 pm (UTC)
Click! This is certainly progress. Sorry it's still so hard but yay for getting through it decently. I've been admiring your diligence this week.

Awwwr, exam in the Harry Potter building. Seem to remember the OWLs caused quite a bit of stress particularly for those of the Hermione inclination, as well.

The only good thing about them coming so close and happening is that they'll be over and you'll know what you got and be done for the year. Perhaps the reverse of what we spoke about once: how when good things are about to happen there is the regret that they will soon be over.

I'll send studious Hermione/Ghandi thoughts tomorrow.
Kiwi Crocuscranky__crocus on May 4th, 2010 11:02 am (UTC)
Sigh, trying to train me again, eh? Just take care in not sending me back to my old ways with that. :P

I hadn't thought of that. These are essentially my OWLs since they're the year before my graduation - next year I'll have my NEWTs.

We don't actually know how we did any earlier by having the exams earlier - it's all run by the system, so all years get their results at the same time, or so I've been told. We get them through Blackboard and email. Thank you for the thoughts.