1.30 pm – The last thing I read with cruises was a Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys story about some crime or other. I am v. v. tempted to go snooping around everywhere. This would be a bad idea; I am no longer a cute little 12-year-old angelic child and actions seem to have consequences at this age. Doesn’t stop the temptation. At least will explore all the permitted areas. Am also thinking about Death on the Nile. Wouldn’t that be fascinating.
1.52 pm – Am on a cruise. Lady Serendipity has put me on a cruise. This is v. surprising & not at all what I expected of life. On my first cruise after being stranded in Spain. I laughed for 15 minutes straight on deck.
3.43 pm – P, E & CJ went to watch whales. Know I am spoiled when I think “how many watches have I been on?” & choose to stay in the lobby corridor watching April’s Shower. Coast-spoiled lesbian. [That woman was REALLY packing in the nip department – ‘cruise’ apparently means ‘no bra’.]
Went to shops. Apparently in this Alice-in-Wonderland universe of braless cruises, a fennec fox is actually pink & carries an Eostre egg. The only clothing here is Billa Bong or whatever. If I were to desperately require new tops, would have to resort to those proclaiming ‘bong’ where my bra should be.
3.46 pm – Have been thinking about the number of lesbians on this cruise (inspired by lack of bra & gaydar!ringing lady reading nearest map). 2000 people, so I hear, so perhaps 200 gay people (or if it’s ‘queer’, then less). So maybe 100 gay men – they travel in herds too, right? Thus 100 lesbians. I’m going to say 50 real lesbians and the other half just ‘potential’ – not out, not discovered, denial, whatever. I am one. Pretty positive the woman reading the map is another. Will just content myself with the film, then, and occasionally peeking at the attractive ladies strolling by.
6.37 pm – Jacked a plug from the fake casino room on the main floor. Camped out under a display case of sexy woman bearing her cleavage to sell perfume. Realised that a cruise in many ways is v. much like an undersized hotel that vibrates. Doesn’t detract, necessarily, but am v. v. zonked & desiring my own space to work in. Exams in t-12 days. Am so v. v. fraaaaakked.
6.44 pm – Although thought this was a fantastic idea, bum is going v. numb. Would be too conspicuous to outright lie on my belly. People keep looking at me strangely; I apologise, fellow cruise companions, but this is not a pleasure cruise for me! Am escaping a prolonged ecology escapade in Spain & heading straight into the menacing molars of exams!
6.47 pm – Realisation: this is summed up by the fact that I am reading journal papers about river restoration instead of spending obscene amounts of money purchasing plushies I don’t need, watching films cheaper on land & drinking myself off my face. Disappointing.
7.00 pm – Augh have only read through the abstract of my first paper. So fof/full of fail and pabby/people are beeches. ...how much would I give to be writing Harry Potter fanfic right now ‘stead of reading about chalk stream catchments?
YE GODS PEOPLE HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN A WORKING OR PROCRASTINATING STUDENT? V. v. tempted to just lay my arse down if people are gonna look at me like a leper anyway.
Also, E , CJ & I were discussing societies. I want to make SAS – Students Against Societies. Our motto would be “We’re SANE – Students Against Nearly Everything!” Based off Watching The English. It’s the society she had in Uni. Only right to keep it going elsewhere, where students are equally apathetic and passionate in similarly drastic (& problematic) amounts.
7.02 pm – Oh, they’re selling BINGO tickets now! Called “Eyes Down” on the activities-menu. Isn’t THAT super duper exciting. Sense of self is saturated with sarcasm.
7.05 pm – Before I forget, Nancy Drew search revealed nothing but man in a Speedo. Would have preferred not to investigate that, cheers.
7.06 pm – Erg. Know a paper is going to be good/exciting when author references himself in first line.
7.08 pm – WHY DID THIS PAPER GET PUBLISHED? THE FIRST SENTENCE IS NOT GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT! Augh this is the epitome of academic frustration. Acstration.
7.19 pm – This place is reminding of both Titanic & The Shining. Neither ends particularly well. (Nor does this paper, I imagine, not that I’m at all close to finding this out.)
7.23 pm – A man just caught my attention, waved, pointed at my laptop & gave me a thumbs up when I waved back. Am v. v. confused. Message? Perhaps the fact that I have got laptop at all & am curled up in corner. If only he knew I am subjecting myself to the miseries of work.
7.28 pm – Fifth person to come ask if I have access to the Internet: like it’s a Holy Grail. Feel terrible to break hearts each time; people look so hopeful. Should wear sign: “NO INTERNET. WE ARE ALL ALONE. I AM SORRY TOO.”
7.47 pm – Never believed my father when he told me he got bored on the cruise ship when he was 16. Now am a believer. Not bored, not v. capable of being bored, but find it at least believable.
Theology discussions v. interesting when two participants are scientists amazed with the serendipitous nature of the world and other participant is a v. v. hardcore Christian speaking as if Jesus is on deck with her. Fun nonetheless!
Dancing to Dancing Queen also v. entertaining. Live music on cruise ship is winsome. Danced around like loon, then hung out in ‘calm room’ being sillies. Much fun was had.
Sleeping on a ferry isn’t v. difficult. Easy in fact. Talk with A & CJ about Life, the Universe and Human Spawn. Consumed worst pizza of my life – pineapple was only redeeming factor.
Ferries also created for queues. Thank goodness the English were born to queue.