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15 February 2010 @ 12:22 am
When my room has a laptop, it is a portal. It is a portal into another realm. It's connected and alive with my loved ones.

When my room has no laptop, it is solitary. So solitary. Silent and solitary. Scary. Moments when I would have been happy to close my laptop and sit by myself become moments during which I bite my nails.

I am exhausted. I fell asleep in the den. I went upstairs to read. I tried to sleep. I cried because I missed people--when I feel I *should* have the opportunity to reach people when I wish to, when it is gone I am affected. I become homesick.

My laptop is communication. I can't call these people I love, I can't communicate with them quickly by letter. My friends here call their loved one when they have no laptop. I wish I could do that.

I lay in my room alone and afraid. Thought of cuddles and dozed some, wokeup frightened of a test on Wednesday with nothing to ease my mind. I couldn't just turn on my laptop, see "It's going to be okay" and go back to sleep.

I came downstairs. Juliette was in the kitchen doing the washing up. She asked me if I was alright and knew already that I wasn't already. I cried and she hugged me. She understood how important my laptop is in my life -- not the information, not the writing, just having it be my Connection -- and brought me chocolate and her laptop.

I should be sleeping, but I'm awake. I feel a little comforted. It feels better. My room upstairs will still feel scary and solitary, but I think this will have helped.
Current Mood: scaredScared.
CaroRulescarorules on February 15th, 2010 02:11 am (UTC)
aww so sorry you're so down... *hug*
Kiwi Crocus: AFP || Imagine flowers.cranky__crocus on February 15th, 2010 01:56 pm (UTC)
Thankfully I'm not terribly down. :) It's upsetting to not have a laptop, but it hasn't got me TOO down. It's just uncomfortable to be in my room without it. I'll make it through though! Especially spending lots of time in the library on the computer. I've done it a number of times before.
CaroRulescarorules on February 15th, 2010 02:08 pm (UTC)
We get so used to that technology... It is out way to communicate with the rest of the world. I hope yours gets fixed soon!
Kelly: feel the loveddagent on February 17th, 2010 10:12 pm (UTC)
Oh honey, I'm so sorry....

*massive, massive hugs*