Kiwi Crocus (cranky__crocus) wrote,
Kiwi Crocus

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While I was cooking pasta Batgirl asked if I had 5 minutes. After I ate a bit, I went to speak with her. She told me she was 'nominated' to tell me that Jujubean has essentially been freaking out about my boiling my DivaCup in one of the pots since it happened last semester.

I started crying and spilled everything to Batgirl - what I returned home to, the beautiful community I have back home, how I didn't want to come back, how I feel secluded and don't fit in within the house, worries over school and my future, family, whatever. I just sort of exploded. She was good about it. (First she just exclaimed, "Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't cry! I feel so bad!" and rushed over.)

The DivaCup incidence? At this point, just whatever. Most people trust boiling water and dish detergent - hell, I do every time I cook out of the pots or eat off my plate, knowing the communal cleaning area and the stuff other people in the house eat. Jujubean's a germaphobe hypochondriac. She knows it, we all know it, case closed.

It just triggered the understanding that yeah, I don't fit in here as well as I fit other places. I still LOVE it often - I appreciate the diversity of life. I knew from last year in halls that I'd be the strange one no one really understood; mostly I'm appreciated for that very factor.

Batgirl told me she had no idea I was looking at so much in my life. It was nice speaking with her. She's definitely my real connection in the house.

Tonight I unpacked. I read through some information about social construction in science and feel a little more comfortable going to my professor, now that I have some ideas in my head. Too many ideas. But I feel I'll be able to get something out of meeting with him and figuring out how to write this essay...and I feel more validating in requesting the meeting, because it's really hit me that I have no idea how to write an essay like this, for which a three-word title is the only real prompt.

And so, knowing this is really a first for me, I have to have compassion with myself - for the present and for the future, when I get my mark back. And the professor knows I care/am interested in learning. I need to just acknowledge that sometimes.

So now I'm logging off and going to bed. Tomorrow's my first uni day back. Frigid. :P Still crossing my fingers that maybe Mark will cancel 'cause he's 45 minutes away... Bad Kiwi! :3
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