I started crying and spilled everything to Batgirl - what I returned home to, the beautiful community I have back home, how I didn't want to come back, how I feel secluded and don't fit in within the house, worries over school and my future, family, whatever. I just sort of exploded. She was good about it. (First she just exclaimed, "Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't cry! I feel so bad!" and rushed over.)
The DivaCup incidence? At this point, just whatever. Most people trust boiling water and dish detergent - hell, I do every time I cook out of the pots or eat off my plate, knowing the communal cleaning area and the stuff other people in the house eat. Jujubean's a germaphobe hypochondriac. She knows it, we all know it, case closed.
It just triggered the understanding that yeah, I don't fit in here as well as I fit other places. I still LOVE it often - I appreciate the diversity of life. I knew from last year in halls that I'd be the strange one no one really understood; mostly I'm appreciated for that very factor.
Batgirl told me she had no idea I was looking at so much in my life. It was nice speaking with her. She's definitely my real connection in the house.
Tonight I unpacked. I read through some information about social construction in science and feel a little more comfortable going to my professor, now that I have some ideas in my head. Too many ideas. But I feel I'll be able to get something out of meeting with him and figuring out how to write this essay...and I feel more validating in requesting the meeting, because it's really hit me that I have no idea how to write an essay like this, for which a three-word title is the only real prompt.
And so, knowing this is really a first for me, I have to have compassion with myself - for the present and for the future, when I get my mark back. And the professor knows I care/am interested in learning. I need to just acknowledge that sometimes.
So now I'm logging off and going to bed. Tomorrow's my first uni day back. Frigid. :P Still crossing my fingers that maybe Mark will cancel 'cause he's 45 minutes away... Bad Kiwi! :3