Speaking with Carol was nice. It was good for me to see a new angle, and to know that there's someone else out there I admire for being stable and centred that has the same mind patterns. Procrastination out of Perfectionism. Makes sense. If it's not perfect, it doesn't feel good enough; if we don't think it'll turn out perfect, we'll put off starting it.
Got petrol at the cheaper place.
Visited Grammie; she gave me a little fake cat. It's adorable.
Isabella's for a sandwich and lunch stuff. Home for Gar's number, off to Gar's.
Ate there. Hung with Gar. Watched Mamma Mia. Remember being invited to it years ago and not being able to go. If I had known it was so Meryl-oriented I would have seen it long ago.
Conversed with a concerned Carolyn (Gar's Mum), Gar, Johnathon and Rand some. Just bounced ideas around. They didn't like me so down--I was perky in my own smiley way,m but sometimes they could see my eyes were crying. Even when I wasn't thinking about leaving or work. It's always there.
Had dinner with them. More chats; I just listened this time. Got ready to go. Rand told me that I wasn't allowed to worry more than the amount required to stay on my game, and that was the rule. The rest of the family agreed to keep me to the rule.
Driving home I realised it's okay for me to be a little sad about leaving home right now. Regular sad, about leaving my pug and my family and winter break. I've just never had that before--but I feel more grounded here than I've felt in a long time. What's not okay is the panicked terror--that's all mind-games and not being present.
I am so tired I'm falling asleep at the keyboard. I don't think I have that much more anyway. Carla came over. Showed her a video, chatted as a fam, did some packing. She left, I paacked and cried and freaked out over DVDs. I'm nearly completely packed. Sleeping with Mugz.
Tomorrow I find out if the computer guy could save the Kiwi folder of stuff off my old computer. I have a bad feeling; I hope it's wrong. I'll miss all the music I've been collecting since before high school. 6800 songs and I don't know how much of it I'd ever get back.
'kay, well, sleep's eating me. Tomorrow wakeup, shower, organising & last minute stuff, into Boston, HP exhibit with Sapph then airport. Gotta check in and stuff tomorrow...alrighty. Sniffles. At least not full-out crying. Night night.