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06 November 2009 @ 03:58 am
 
I didn't get much done today. I went into Stats for the second hour and told Jojo what was up. She had picked me up the notes, highlighted the important things and written notes. It made me feel both loved and validated--she cared enough to do it, and she knew I cared enough about being a student to WANT it done. With many others she would have just grabbed the paper and handed it over. I love my friends.

Intro to the history and philosophy of science was great. When discussing the philosophical change from the idea of Purpose to one of Progression and a mechanical view of the universe as a machine run by chance, random and coincidental, we were given the quote "'The stars,' she whispered, 'blindly run'" and it affected me greatly. I have repeated it in my head many times and it is all over my notes. Wrote it on my arm, too. I love the poem it's from. Will continue analysing it and looking it up.

Came home, ate, worked a tiny bit, house meeting about who intends to leave after this year and whether we'll have to look for a new house as a smaller group or find new people or move back to halls...it's up in the air currently, which is a bummer, but we've given a loose deadline that the rest of us would like to know by the end of winter break so we can plan accordingly. Me, Batgirl, Jujubean and probably Tinboy are in for the long haul. Will be sad to say goodbye to this house prematurely if we have to.

Wonderful sleep from 8 pm - 1.45 a.m. Awake to watch Grey's "Invest in Love." I loved being there live-action with the community, chatting away as it occurred. Commenting would have been fine too. Loved being there with Dars and Chelle and the others. I was elated.

The episode moved me, as is to be expected for an Arizona-centric episode. There was one uncharacteristic outburst but I think it was the combination of the character stress (stress wonks us all out, as I'm well aware) and the writers'/director's desire to create a parallel conflict/argument scene.

As usual Arizona inspires me. Her moral compass is impeccable. I yearn to have a moral compass so firmly grounded in...well, in unconditional love, in pure unconditional love that leads to a spread of happiness, or at least healing that will eventually lead (back) to happiness. It was strange for me to come across a character who thinks of her birthday the way I do--another day. I remember some birthdays that were too forced; I remember locking myself in the upstairs bathroom because it was too stressful and me-centred. I love going to other people's birthday parties. I don't really enjoy huge parties for me. I do enjoy small, more intimate gatherings--where it isn't about me, it's about togetherness and General Celebration, that we're all there together sharing joy.

This episode made me smile and re-lit the hope inside me. Not that it went out, but a flame can always get stronger with further sparks, can it not? Makes me want to get out there a little bit--not specifically for romance, but continuing the love. I always feel so much more connected with my sense of self and the world when I am plugged into these communities with love and shared compassion.

Also makes me impatient for winter hols when I will go out with my sister down to the gay hang-outs of Providence (Kris' begging me, we've got it planned out) to just let our hair down and go crazy. Smiling, dancing, being ourselves. Then bunking over and staying up giggling into the night, or crying for joy or connection or authentic sadness but always a mix and match, and just enjoying things.

It's almost winter. I feel the beautiful itch everywhere. I can't wait. For winter, winter winter is coming.
 
 
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