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15 October 2009 @ 01:25 pm
 
I have a squish on my stats professor and it kind of delights me. (Squish = low-level crush. Both classification I do nothing about. 'Professor' also means that NO classification would mean acting on feelings. Seriousness through.)

She's adorkable. She couldn't get the technology down. First she accidentally set off all the lights so that only the one by her table was on and then looked shocked. Then she couldn't figure out how to turn down the sound so there was a giant beep when she exited something; we taught her how to mute it. She couldn't figure out how to work the paper projector for a bit and kept staring up at the screen thoughtfully, saying, "Well, I guess we're waiting."

I also noticed that this week when she started speaking quickly she paused, took a deep breath and continued more slowly. It made me smile. Of course I don't think *I* caused that, but I'd like to think perchance my email helped a tad bit! She's doing a lot better now that she slows her speaking and moniters her nerves.

(And, by the way, all that stuff is stuff I would have observed regardless of squishes. :P When it's time to give my attention to lecturers, I give it!)

However, halfway through we were covering easy material again and I could feel my eyelids giving out on me. I tried to stay awake. That's when the beep happened. It saved me! At the end of lecture, since my friends and I are always the ones who stick around anyway, I complimented her outfit and wished her luck with the technology. I mentioned how the beep had saved me and we chuckled about Freshers Flu. She seemed to be calming down, which was lovely. Jojo mentioned that Professor Underwood (coolest name ever, right?!) had almost jumped and screamed when Jo approached her. Poor nervous woman! But she's a laugh when she settles down.

So that will make statistics a bit more fun. Squishes are fun. Nice butterfly smile-y feelings that don't affect anything save my personal joy. Reminds me of the squish I had on the lecturer Natascha last year. It also made me raise my eyebrow at ages and positions. I'm friends with mature students on my course who are frequently older than the professors. Don't know why it's more of a stigma for me to have a squish on a young professor than a 40-year-old university friends. But I suppose university always complicates the ridiculous age standards!

Regardless, I am playing the Game of University the way my father did--as many crushes as I want, completely unlimited, but I'm not actively acting on any. With most of them I refuse purely out of my personal honour code (professor, teaching assistant, older friend, no urge to change relationship in any way, etc.) but mainly I'm just loving all these crushes on intellectual people!

I also wish that people wouldn't think of "crush" as this terribly inappropriate thing. Thankfully none of my friends do. "Crush" means, for me, "I admire this person and she is wonderful; she gives me butterflies in my stomach." It is not "I am highly lustful of this person and want to pursue a possibly inappropriate relationship." They're not even sexual for me!

That was totally not where I wanted to go with this entry. I guess it's just been on my mind since some of Lash's comments and others' comments too. (Totally no negative energy in that statement, Love! Stuff that's just been on my mind since. I'm sending you extra love for your October Fall.)

Also? Introduction to the History and Philosophy of Science was incredible. I love having Nick Battey for a lecturer again--loved him in Exploiters! He has a wonderfully dry sense of humour. ([Picture of the Great Fire of London.] "Great Fire of London...it's a photograph." I snorted. And he called Copernicus' struggle a "hot topic," at which point both Michael Shaw and I laughed. Emma didn't get it. Michael Shaw is the other lecture and he sneaked into the back of the room without anyone else noticing. I have a total intellectual!crush on him, which makes me giggle.

(Yes, my intellectual!crushes can be on any gender. He's also adorable with his facial expressions and body movements. I love that he's an eccentric ecologist like Mark, who is of course another intellectual!crush. My university life is full of them.)

In conclusion...hmm...university life is totally back and I appreciate it for the endless butterfly-inducing crushes of all assortments, all innocent! Rock on!

Time for smammiches (I made one!), signing my loan (yaaay money to the university) and walking home (reading, methinks?). Then phone calls (hopefully, for productivity) and nap (hopefully, for rest against Freshers' Flu).

P.S. I had the BSG book on my lap today and kept looking down in Statistics, then looking up shocked after seeing Mary McDonnel's face staring up at me. Then I smiled. It kept me from falling asleep more than I'd like to admit. Freshers' Flu needs to stop robbing me of sleep!
 
 
 
Meryl_Edan: MM blue dressmeryl_edan on October 15th, 2009 02:33 pm (UTC)
Crushes are pretty much my favorite thing on earth and I enjoyed reading your take on them. Here's a Q for you though--what if a prof you liked made a move on you? Would you go along with it? This may or may not be relevant to my actual life...
Kiwi Crocus: BSG || Roslin/Starbuck || Intent stare.cranky__crocus on October 15th, 2009 10:55 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you enjoy crushes as well. :) Oh, a Q! Let's see if I can answer this. I was thinking about it in the shower, because of course like many thinkers I spend time in the shower thinking of the important things--world peace, what to make for dinner, and livejournal comments. Of course.

Alright. Well. This is a professor I like, so she will be courteous in her move--the professors I like would be. Would I go along with it?

I suppose it's difficult to answer this question because I couldn't see it happening in a billion years. I don't think I'm the student any professor would 'go' for and thus I couldn't see myself in the situation. But, then again, that's the point of a hypothetical situation and thus the questions surrounding them, isn't it?

I would go along with it with very strict conditions. I would (in my own, polite-but-often-witty way) request it occur after our time as professor/student has ended. This doesn't have to mean once I've left the school or even until exam time/the end of the year. Exams and marking done so anonymously here that I wouldn't feel it crossed any boundaries I would be unwilling to cross by that point. Most professors I only have once. I would have to wait, then, until the end of the term or the year, depending on how long the course lasted and how long I was directly learning from this woman with her lecturing in front of the class. If this wouldn't work for her, then no, I wouldn't go along with it.

If she were willing to wait until I were no longer directly her student I would consider it. I would have to consider if, beyond the professor/student roll (ie looking at us as humans), I felt equal--not in degrees or age or any traits like that. Just the feeling. I don't want to be in a relationship in which I put anyone on a pedestal, just as I have no desire to be in a relationship in which I am placed on one. (However, if we're both on equal pedestals...well, how can we complain about being great? :P)

So, really, I would only be comfortable if it were done in a way that didn't interfere with school life and if I felt comfortable and equal. The term 'equal' seems to throw it off a bit, but I can't find a term that I feel fits it better. Hmm. I want to feel respected and valued, the way that I respect and value--beyond roles, degrees, time on Earth, whatever. Yes. Respect is pretty much what it comes down to.

Laughs and shakes head. Again, totally cannot picture it happening in any of my possible universes. Well. Maybe one in which I am a brunette bombshell who can successfully walk in heels, and not the quirky student of this reality who sits in the first few rows with her friends singing "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" before a 9 a.m. class. Laughter. It certainly was interesting to think about, I suppose. Thanks for the question!

I certainly did ramble on enough--did I answer the question well enough? If I missed anything, please let me know! I'm glad I didn't answer it by dichotomous key as I had been intending. Grins. And the last line of your comment made me quirk a brow and chuckle. Coming out of the teacher closet, are we? Smiles.

Apologies if the answer bored!
Meryl_Edanmeryl_edan on October 15th, 2009 11:13 pm (UTC)
The answer did not bore! It's very helpful. :)
Kiwi Crocus: Rachel Carson || Knowing and feeling...cranky__crocus on October 16th, 2009 06:34 am (UTC)
Laughter. I'm glad. After I wrote it last night and was getting ready for bed I thought, "Well, I've essentially written 'once she's not my professor any more,' haven't I?" But I suppose I had a few other things covered as well.

What age group do you teach?
Meryl_Edanmeryl_edan on October 16th, 2009 06:31 pm (UTC)
I teach college freshmen. They're around 18, 19. That weird stage between kid and adult!
Kiwi Crocus: Mary McDonnel || Laugh out loud!cranky__crocus on October 16th, 2009 06:36 pm (UTC)
Ahhh gotchya! Smiles. Ah, Fresher year. What fun I had. I think I had intellectual crushes (AKA 'I love your brain you are amazing!' crushes) on far too many of my professors. But with university being such an academic, intellectual place I can't really help it. It feels wonderful, too. I love learning. It's no wonder I go crazy for university.

I feel like a junior now. I'm technically the age of a sophomore, and in America I would be, but I'm a second year in England and it equates to more of a junior. After all, I graduate next year (3-year course) and now we've hit the "serious" year in which we really dive into our subject matter, start talking about next year's dissertation, get lots of work that all counts, etc. And most of us are living off campus, buying our own food, living as adults, whatever else.

Did I pass your question? I'm always nervous about answering stuff like that. Personal life questions of conduct in relationships in the like, especially hypothetical! But I trust you. :) Did I do alright with the question?

Oh oh oh! Fireworks keep going off outside! I keep scurrying to my windows and staring out. Fireworks--fun!
Meryl_Edanmeryl_edan on October 16th, 2009 06:39 pm (UTC)
lol It wasn't a test! I'm not a judgmental person (at least, I don't think I am!) and I really just wanted your opinion. Your explanation made a lot of sense and I was glad to read it. :)

How's the Mary fandom treating you??
Kiwi Crocus: Mary McDonnel || Mischievous smile.cranky__crocus on October 16th, 2009 06:43 pm (UTC)
Ahhh, you just had the Curious Cat bug! I understand THAT one fully. :) I live my life as a Curious Cat! (Thankfully satisfaction DOES always bring me back--either that or I have far too many lives for any cat to honestly have!) You certainly don't seem like a judgemental person at all. I probably would have eeled out of answering the question somehow had I got the sense you were! I'm glad my explanation made sense. :) I enjoy the moments I make sense.

The Mary fandom...hmm, well, I haven't stepped in with both feet yet! I still feel as though I somehow don't belong what with my ignorance in the ways of BSG. I think I'll feel more comfortable diving into MM fandom once I've seen at least some of it. I have joined the Mary McAwesome community and will probably start commenting there when I see something that calls to me. I'm keeping the Remember Laura one for my post-BSG times.

How about you?! 8)
Treecreatesunspots on October 15th, 2009 03:06 pm (UTC)
I love the word "squish".
I have squishes on EVERYONE.
Kiwi Crocus: Buffy || Willow || Just smile...cranky__crocus on October 15th, 2009 10:55 pm (UTC)
I also love the word squish. And I also have many many many!
seabookmonger: Leoseabookmonger on October 15th, 2009 04:47 pm (UTC)
I fondly remember having squishes. Some scholars have even written about them, noting that, with the appropriate boundaries (as you've described here) they can enhance connectedness between profs and students and students and whatever they're studying.
Kiwi Crocus: Mary McDonnell || Made of win!cranky__crocus on October 15th, 2009 10:56 pm (UTC)
Oh! I will have to look up these scholarly works! I seem to agree with them at this point in time!
Chevy Eliot: BSG - Roslin (B&W)tattooedsappho on October 15th, 2009 09:40 pm (UTC)
aww, squishy! now when i hear that ill think of you AND dorie. dear god, i might go insane! ;) that is so cute tho, and totally what i have with Deb. except she isn't my teacher. she's my coworker. but still. SQUISH! aawww!! :) and i hope you feel better. ♥ i'd send you some soup if i thought it would actually make it there without either getting spilled, spoiled or mistaken for bomb ingredients.
Kiwi Crocus: GA's || Arizona Robbins || Laughter.cranky__crocus on October 15th, 2009 10:57 pm (UTC)
Grins. I am glad to be associated with Dorie in any way! And of course our Lesbian Goddess Ellen DeGeneres. :P Glad you know what I'm talking about with the squish! I get them so often. And it totally works the same on coworkers!

Hahaha thanks for the offer of soup. The bomb ingredient line made me laugh. Thankfully I've got soup here!
Chevy Eliot: Ravenclaw - Whaletattooedsappho on October 15th, 2009 11:37 pm (UTC)
hahahaha, yeh. :D

Ya never know. Strange colored liquid? Random floaty bits in it? Wrapped in duct tape? (how else am i supposed to prevent spillage?) it SCREAMS bomb... ;)