Kiwi Crocus (cranky__crocus) wrote,
Kiwi Crocus
cranky__crocus

Sigh

[9:13 PM] Aubrey: you are one of the precious few truly genuine and unique people. As such you have a capacity to experience life in a way that very few people will be able to relate to or understand. and depending on the people you are with sometimes it is necessary to realize that you cannot expect more from them then they are capable of giving.


She messaged me after my Facebook status update. I am so thankful. Good gods, I am so thankful for Rowies of the world.

Wednesday's exam went well. My first essay was bad, but it answered the question, so hopefully that's good. The other three were pretty reasonable. Thursday's exam was very good. I got to use the botany knowledge Watsonii gave me.

Thursday and Friday I spent revising with Hayley. It's so nice to be around her. She's cuddly and open and wonderful. Reminds me of other friends. I've had a lot of fun hanging out with her and Mary and that group of friends.

It's the same with Zoë and the 2nd floor girls. I feel a lot like them in a lot of ways.

I love my housemate friends, obviously. Well. I'm having issues with Sass, but that's pretty ongoing. And now there's a lot of Couplyness within the group that I'm not comfortable with yet. And I always get the feeling I'm very different, because in a lot of ways I am, and...

I don't know. I feel disconnected from them. And I'm sure a lot, if not all, of it is Me. But it feels icky. It was nice to hang out with Zoë and Hayley.

Friday's exam went okay. I hope I passed. I answered 37 out of 50, but I'm not confident about all of them. I can't get more than 12 wrong or I'll fail the exam from negative marking. I tried my best.


Yesterday I watched Grey's with Hayley to help her get caught up, and then the season finale by myself. I laughed and laughed, because I never really take the show seriously. It's like the L Word to me. Something to laugh at the dramaz.

Skipped Mojos with the housemate friends. Went to sleep, woke up at noon, lunched, whatever.

It's hitting me hard that I'm not at Ferry Beach. 16 years in a row going to the same stressless retreat during one weekend of the year, and this year am I not only not there, but I'm stressed out of my mind. And it's still not inspiring me to revise. I spent a lot of time in my room with the lights out crying.

It's hard having so many of my friends going home and me not even halfway done with final exams until tomorrow.

I don't want to sit another exam and look at so many questions I don't understand despite revision. I'm not mentally prepared for this. I think next year I'll be able to do this better.

Right now I miss people who understand me and give good hugs and snuggles without thinking about it and are just...My People. And while I love my housemates, they're my close friends, not My People. I miss Rowies and hippiehugs and podling sisters and besties.

It feels like a long way until some stress relief.
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