Kiwi Crocus (cranky__crocus) wrote,
Kiwi Crocus


These past few days have been insane. The night of the second I had Pantaxi stay over and I cleared out one of my dressers.
The third I dropped her off, picked up Makuchan and Booby from the train. We went to Makuchan's stuff to get the rest of her stuff. I tried to be sensible: grabbing medication/clothes more important than SoBe bottles covered in floral tape.
Her father watched us the entire time. When she was gone he questioned and threatened Booby. I stared out the window, unable to speak.
It wasn't as if I WANTED to be there, helping one of my high school friends basically run away from her parents. Even when they goofed, they were parents who loved her. They would have been better if she had proven to them that they could trust her--some good grades, sensible decisions,'s not as if she really did those. I don't think she's prepared to be living with her boyfriend, neither at his house nor at a condo his parents will give him. She's skipping doctor's appointments even as she had Diabetes and Graves Disease. She doesn't have a job. She doesn't drive. She doesn't have any money. She's dropping college. I know all this. I knew also that if I wasn't the one to drive her to her home to help her, she would do it with someone else, someone who might care even less or rush her or not have her let her parents know she was going.
I respected her father for watching even though Makuchan tried to kick him out and he made us all uncomfortable. He watched what she was taking. When it was all over he made her kiss him on the cheek and he gave her a $100 bill.

We set off and hung out at my house. Bit of Rock Band. Off to B&N.
I picked up a book of lesbian erotica, Melting Stones by Tammy, a faerie tarot deck I love, a Teacher bookmark and a stuffie for the secret Santa.
Was reminded that any time going with Bakuchan (Makuchan and Booby), it is essentially They Go and You Tag Along and Be a Third Wheel. Even if you were the one who invited them. They just disappear at random and you are expected to find them later. When they are together, they merge into one being. If this is my bleak future, both with me and friends, I protest here and now.
We went to McSpleeny's. It was fun.
Video games, eating, reading on my part... I finished the book that came with my tarot book and exclaimed, "My first book of 2009!" I was confused when they all looked at me as if it was surprising I had finished my first book by the third. I thought it was bad it had been that long in. They were even more surprised to know I had started it then.
I opened up Melting Stones because I wanted some Rosethorn. I underlined things involving her. It made me smile. I got halfway through the book.
I watched them play some games, joined in once. I'm not much of a games person. I like being social. I also like being the sort of person who reads a book and hangs out at parties.
I got Booby's book from the Secret Santa. McSpleeny got my green and white lemur-cat-thing and she loved it. It's cute. She's a stuffie person.
Most people left. Pantaxi stayed over with me. I slept on the couch.

Woke up, got up, went to church. Saw Captain Planet (old lesbian bosses) show up.
Ann said, "And now if we could have a college student back for break light the chalice..." and looked right back at me where I stand t the back of the room. I looked at her questioningly. "Please?" she ventured.
I chuckled and started walking around the crowd. I remarked, "I haven't done this since I was nine! What if I forgot?" They laughed and told me I would remember. Carol opened the wick thing for me. I lit it, lit the chalice, blew it out, brought it back to Carol. She closed it and I took her hand. She said, "That was appropriate," we squeezed and I parted.
There was much hugging with me, Gar and Penny.
When they left with the senior youth I went up and lit a candle. I had been crying so I started with, "Hi, I'm Kiwi, pulling a Gerri [my mother]," and noted my wet cheeks. I said it was my first time singing the senior youth off and that it was weird. I mentioned I was going back to England for a long while and would see everyone the next year for church. I finished with, "There's no congregation like this one."
I cried a lot as I watched the congregation. It was beautiful. I realised again how well loved I am. I knew so many people there. I watched them be welcoming once the service was over, before announcements. I like watching.
After announcements I greeted. People came up to me and chatted. Lisa batted me on the head with a book and I said, "Ouch!" (later to say, "I got assaulted by my ex-boss in a church") and had me promise to visit the Crazy Billers the following day. I got hugs.

Went around with Gar and Penny. Penny had to go. Chatted with lots of people.
I secretly signed the book, because I saw it was on the last blank space on a page. I signed it on the sly and turned the page over. Went off for more chatting.
Carol caught me at some point and came up to hug me. She's been wanting me to sign the book since before Ferry Beach, since I've been Poster Girl Senior Youth but not a true member. Now I go down in the books as Unitarian Universalist. I count as a number in surveys. It makes me smile to know I'm officially a UU to the UUA. It's more important to me to be a UU at heart, but it still makes me smile.

Went off with Gar to get Petrol.
She payed for my frappe at Spruce Pond. We both got heath bar. It was good. We talked a lot.
We went back to the congregation.
I talked on the panel. I was the joker. I had a very different story from the others--they were all older gays and lesbians. They had stories of hardship. I had a few, but mine was early acceptance and a loving family. It was nice. I also knew about a lot in the LGBTQQIA community, and I brought up polyamory as well and the societal stigma that is unfairly on it.
Said goodbye. Ann gave me a note written by Bill from Arah on the phone.
Gar and I drove to my house and picked up my Oh The Places You'll Go book. Got sandwiches at Sheldonville store. Chatted with the sandwich girl and one of the Indian owners. It was nice.
We went to her house and I greeted her family.
We ate at her house.
Hung out upstairs in her room. We read to each other. It was lush and fun.

Drove home, worked more on my room. Got lots of stuff down and made my pile much smaller. Grew the Give Away pile.

Today I woke to Snoopy's texts but didn't reply because I was still exhausted and was busy anyway, and then she remembered that and texted again haha.
Woke at half one, got ready, got dropped off at the Subaru, drove to the junior high.
Let Sonja know I was there and went off to visit. Saw Mrs. Henrich.
She was confused when she saw me at the doorway for a moment. I said, "Uhm, old student visiting..." She asked which one. I rambled, "Kiwi Stalley. Nic. Ki. I was the one in the wheelchair..." She nodded and smiled as if she got it right away. We chatted a bit. She chuckled about the accent. We parted.
I asked about Ms. Brenneis' room. She wasn't there. I read outside Mrs. Osborne's class until I saw she was at her desk and no helping her tutee.
I knocked on her door. She recognised me as she opened the door and closed it a bit behind her.
She noted my hair had grown and I had an accent. She mentioned I had visited her in February of senior year to give her her birthday present. I smiled to know. She checked in on me. Asked who I still hung around with. I told her I still hung out with Snoopy, who was going to Smith and enjoying her time. Mrs. Osborne was pleased. Asked if I was seeing anyone. I blushed and said no, I was in no hurry and wanted to focus on other things. She understood and agreed. After a bit she reminded me to make sure I still had some fun, that most people would love to be experiencing the sort of frustrations I was, in another country. I asked if she would mind an email at some point and she said she wouldn't mind. We hugged and parted.

I waited for the student to leave Sonja's room. We chatted about junior high stuff.
I told her the stories of my 8th grade Spanish class. That got a few laughs. When I told her I had ended up Margarita because Kiwi hadn't had a Spanish translation, she was surprised--she told me she hadn't pegged me for the Margarita type. She usually figured out after a week what boy wanted to be Jesus and which girl wanted to be Margarita.
We drove to Panera in Franklin. She teased me for my loud music and about how she could hear it with both our doors closed.
She paid for me because I'm a college student. I got a chai tea latte. She got the caramel latte I would have had if I didn't see the chai tea underneath.
I saw Mikki and KWEHed at her. We hugged and laughed. I got a crumb off her cheek. She loved my accent. We hugged again and said we must meet up.
Sonja chuckled. We talked a lot. Complained about the tea being hot and both admitted to loving sugar way too much, being the type to get extra sweet flavouring and then ADDING sugar, and preferring colder tea to the point that we both put ice in it. So we went and got ice together.
We talked about teaching, being a student, flip-flopping them, college, life and history, etc. I talked about my writing and she was shocked but liked it. We got ready to go and split with a hug.

I drove home. Mum had told me to go home between the coffee and Shaya. Da told me he had been laid off, very sardonic-amused like, the way I would--cynical but with an optimistic spin.
He says he's being kept on 'til the end of Jan. and then he's being paid beyond that.
He'll have the chance to work for a company he actually supports as far as work.

I tried to call Shayak but her line was busy and off. I high-tailed it over. Arrived, gave gift, received gift, admired dogs. Hung with her and her sister upstairs. Love her parents' room.
Film time downstairs. They both enjoyed Harold and Maude. Mum called to tell me to get home when the movie was done. I agreed. They paused the movie and we had a very long dinner that I totally forgot would be had. It was really good.
We sat around and then I watched Shayak clean up a bit with her mum. Read in the living room waiting.
She tried to hold conversation but it was halting and filled more with silence, not awkwardly, but I think it seemed apparent I was still excited at the idea of the film. It came back on. We watched. As always, the end got to me.

Parents went up to bed. I promptly forgot about my phone and agreements. Tried to begin a goodbye but knew it would take a while.
Conversed with Shayak. It was nice. I was ready to head off when I got a call from Mum again. She was freaked. I agreed to leave that instant. Hugged Shayak--she tucked in under my chin (somehow? we're the same height?) the way I once did to Cavcreature, although I didn't remember that at all then and that makes me smile. She mentioned not liking stressed mothers and I excused it, knowing that my father had just been laid off and Mum was worried.
We said goodbye and I drove home. Apologised to parentals.
Have been in my room alternating cleaning with reading fanfic and 'netting a little bit. Celtic Woman and Girlyman.

There is now just paperpile left of my old huge pile. My desk is moved forward more. My rocking chair is in front of my desk. Pity I am really liking my room now.
My Give Away pile has grown a lot. That is good.
Now I'm knackered. Time to read so I can have some books finished before I go back to uni. Too tired to try working on a report.

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