Kiwi Crocus (cranky__crocus) wrote,
Kiwi Crocus
cranky__crocus

Temper

I wrote 1.2k last night. I fell asleep writing, hoping I would wake up when the Halloweeners came back. I woke up strange and didn't understand it. I wrote a bit.

Went down to lunch and ate. Lora told me she had checked in on me at night as she had said she would but that I had been all curled up in a corner of my bed sleeping in front of my laptop. She had called my name and I hadn't woken up.

I wrote some more, then showered. More writing. Couldn't get myself into replying to anything or doing any work.

Lora and Mary invited me to join in the buying of Chinese food. I decided to go for it. 3 pound 90 for Chinese. When it came I ate outside with everyone in the hall. Ate half and put the rest away so I'd have it for tomorrow.

Ben was really down and angrily anti-social. I felt terrible for being slightly joyous at the fact that he was too upset to talk and offend everything. It was very un-cool of me. Especially wen after he left I brought it up with everyone how he was probably depressed because Alisha had gone on a date with Stuart the night before. Lora acted strange and admitted he had been told off for the rumor he made up about sleeping in a bed with Alisha and how she was going to dump her boyfriend for him. I was far too obviously interested in the gossip. I apologized a minute later to the group for being so horrible about it and finding some joy in someone else's pain, even if I didn't like him - that that wasn't right. They all understood and I think forgave me. Now it's my turn to forgive me!

Also realized I'm hitting PMS because my temper is flaring up.

After Chinese we went down to the bar. I got a lemonade with lime. It was really good. Played spit with Mary and won when we played the shuffle way. Took me three Spits, though! We had fun. Then played Egyptian Rat / Rough. Matt wanted to play Irish Snap so we did that and Lora lost. He wanted to play me at Snap. We played a game and he won.

Then Ben joined in. He wouldn't listen to us when we said to sit back and just drop the card, because it was cheating if he placed it down. He kept skipping my turn even after we corrected him every time that there were three people playing. At one point he smirked arrogantly and said, "Well, if you weren't so slow!" which was donkeydung because there are many things I am with cards, and one of them is NOT slow! So I got miffed at him for that and growled at him.

Matt ended up winning because he hunched over the cards when he was the last one to be playing and only had one set left to slap. He told me after he had known the double Queen was coming, and it was only from his knowing his deck. I said that was well and good, but that didn't mean he could lean over and cheat with the information. I got annoyed with the arrogance he had in winning - not just because he was beating me, but because he was meeting The Girl who compared with him. He was the one who grimaced in pain.

I just hate this whole Man Points thing everyone is doing (if you do something manly, you get man points) and Ben got put on the Girl Points for saying he's "too good" for the Man Points chart. The one thing I agree with Ben on. I know it's all trivial and fun and games, but it really does miff me. It's just annoying that anything "cool" goes under being a man. And our acknowledgment for doing something is being told we've been a man. Hello, no!

So I ended up telling Matt he shouldn't lean over just because he knows the card is coming, because that puts a cheating aspect to it. He told me I need to "calm down." Like a man to an enraged woman. And then, uh, I became enraged. Because you don't tell me to calm down. Then he repeated it many times, with that stupid horrible arrogant smirk these boys get when they think they're better than me at something.

Well they may be better at controlling their tempers, but they're not better at much else. I can equal them without being male. Sure I couldn't throw the snowballs as hard as they could, but didn't I darn well hit them almost every time, and with a good degree or strength to it? Do I not have a retort ready as fast as they do, and with a considerable amount more sense and wit? I'm not afraid to look wild and crazy, and "ungroomed." I'm not afraid to tackle big physical things.

Ben got on women for being over-emotional and ruled by emotions. Who was the one sulking around and then drinking all night going, "I'm drinking away my sores"? Obviously driving yourself to drink has nothing to do with emotions. You're a man. You don't have them. Obviously.

So I've been a bit peeved. I like them - well, I'm not a fan of Ben even if I shouldn't be pleased he's hurting - but some of the stuff does drive me crazy. Matt ran away from me and hid behind Mary, saying I was scary. Mary agreed he shouldn't keep saying calm down because it never helped, and then told me he just knew it was pressing my buttons; I told her I knew that, and what I didn't respect was his continuing it just because he knew he was mashing my buttons. We laughed.

Mary decided it was More Manly to go farther from home. We laughed about how I was a Man, then. Ben decided that because he's from Devon he's the manliest. Everyone looked at him like he was crazy. Devon, America... He held his stance. I made a snipe about how he should pay the money to go through airport security in America, and he could be the Man.

So yes. I'm hard on Ben. I have a temper I wish I didn't have. I'm fiery. Drats. Think people will be talking about my temper for a while.

Sigh. Silly Kiwi. Let it go! They're playing! Who cares if Ben vexes your temper into a tantrum, just take a deep breath! Who cares if Matt wins a card game unfairly and boasts of his sex? Just take a deep breath, smile knowingly! Be the character you want to be!

Came back upstairs with Harry. He doesn't miff me. He was really interested in UUism up at the top of the stairs. He's very, very Christian, but I think he could respect UUism as well. We'll see.

I wrote some more. I'm up to 8.8k today. It's a horrible novel, but I'm having fun. All the plot basically occurs within the last few chapters. So much of it is Set Up and Just Fun, but I don't care, I'm writing! It doesn't have to be good. It just has to be done. Smiles.

Blushing over previous Kiwi temper. Will apologize to Matt tomorrow. He will either deem me a woman for my apology, or he will call me a Man for taking the initiative. Shakes head and laughs some. He was delighted I beat Mary at spit after she beat everyone else, though. That was funny.

May I be androgynous now? No Sex List for me? I did invent a Kiwi Point Chart. I did not win Kiwi Points today. Well, maybe for the writing, but not for the other stuff! OK the winning of Spit because it's fun - but not for all the competitive nonsense, Schadenfreude, or temper!

It's nearly sleep-time for me. Night night!
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