Kiwi Crocus (cranky__crocus) wrote,
Kiwi Crocus
cranky__crocus

Paper

I feel sick - like nauseous. I keep wondering if I'm going to BE sick.

I have put way too much effort into this paper already and it isn't even written. I still have to get my general skeleton down and then write it.

I feel so stupid. All the other kids can just shoot out a piece of crap essay in a morning and be through with it. I've been working on this since Saturday and I'm still afraid to start actually writing the thing.

It makes me wonder how hard the rest of university is. Not the actual work - just getting through the anxiety to do it.

Thankfully, just in looking down the future, I don't think my mind can differentiate between only being evaluated and being graded - this essay is being evaluated but not graded; I think I'm going to have similar levels of anxiety with graded assessments.

It's judgment either way.

Why do I have to care? Why do I have to care when a teacher's red pen touches my page? WHY?!

I am very not stable right now.
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