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Kiwi Crocus
08 November 2011 @ 04:17 am

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Who is that, prowling through the candy store! It is Kiwi, hands clutching a studded crowbar! She grunts apocalyptically:

"I'm going to beat you so painfully, your pets won't recognize you!"

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(I like using Kiwi more than my screen-names.) Candy store: Not surprising. Studded crowbar: Less surprising than some things. Grunting apocalyptically: Certainly something I can be brought to. Battle cry: Well, I would consider that the epitome of a beating, so I suppose if something riled me up that much...watch yourselves.

In the car on the way to dinner my mother talked about jobs and was all depressed-sounding which never works well with my sad-and-angry-at-the-human-world thing, so I fell into dark thoughts with my iPod. About this whacky world humans have created that I often hate, but how I love humans individually and I love the natural-except-for-humans world, but do I want to live in the world we've created? In many ways no, but for that love and for my hope that little shreds of peace can be found in the unfolding of these odd/dark times, and to help bring others happiness...yes. Thought about my insecurity and my ego (clashing, almost, except that my insecurity sometimes feels like my ego gone victim).

I thought, "Fuck ego." And then somehow lots of that fear and anger about/at the world went away. I kept thinking it like a mantra and looking at what planning daydreams (the 'I should do this' scenes for the future) I pictured then, and I liked them. So "fuck ego" has become a rather common phrase in my brain. (It does not inspire me to be any more crass than usual; actually, most of it leads me to do things like apologise for being wrongly snarky at people who don't deserve it and just being myself without constantly worrying that I'm stupid and everybody hates me or I'm an arrogant fool and everybody hates me or I'm perfectly intelligent/lovable/adjusted so why is my life going to go all wrong and everybody hate me.)

Dinner with Mum, my Earthmothers(/Godmothers) and the hosting couple was lovely.

500 words on the novel. I can't even. But again, had an event on during my writing hours...so tomorrow, nothing better surprise me. It better be a day of nothing so I can do some something. Except I emailed Jenne back to say that of course I want another blanket-fort check-in video-chat, so if that happens tomorrow, I'm going for it. Nowhere does it say that one has to do the sensible, productive thing when love gets all tangled in.

Also HP fandom is wonderful. Love-meme. Doesn't get much better than those. (: hp_love_anon.

And this is me:

*Cuddles up in her bed for a good cuddle-sleep with her dog in a perfectly happy interspecies interaction.*
 
 
Current Mood: sleepySleepy.