April 24th, 2011

Readwrite || Rosethorn || Stare.

(no subject)

Today was my writing day - no touching revision allowed. No, it doesn't mean I advanced to the point that I could take a break as a 'reward', regrettably - I am still terribly behind and feel ill every time that I think about it. But I was crumbling and cracking everywhere - which meant I couldn't work well - and I knew I needed a break. Since it was the last day of SMACKDOWN at Goldenlake, I thought today would make a good writing day. I'd never done SMACKDOWN before so I thought I'd give my first round my all.

It worked. I wrote quite a lot and some of it is even half reasonable. I chatted with people I cared about throughout much of the day. I started feeling a little comfortable, which - oh my goodness - felt so good. I took the time to watch a storm form and heat lightning play, counted between light and thunder and felt the wind against my skin, listened to voices of varied ages and cultures and tasted/smelled chives, just enjoying the sensations of springtime. It was beautiful and peaceful...though I couldn't drop into the moment quite the way I normally do; my mind and exams were still scrambling to keep hold of me. It's so frustrating, and the tears are frustrating, and the shaking/shivering I can't control is frustrating, and it's all driving me mad thefrakkingend. But not the end because exams aren't over. Or technically started. Sod the lot of it. =(

There my brain goes, getting all wrapped up in exams again. Anyway, my SMACKDOWN team for the round (Rosie/Lark) has pretty much lost, which I knew would be sad but I thought I'd feel fine like I normally do...only I can't help feeling a tiny bit cheated, just a bit. I expected the flood of fic at the end (we all posted so much near the end it was ridiculous, but the other ship beat us out), so that wasn't a shock. But it's funny that everyone kept getting on one of our teammates when she said we were the underdogs, telling her it was the opposite, and by the end the other team did have more members - or so it seemed - especially ones active at the last moments. But even that would be completely fine because, hey, it's competition and that's how it works. Only part of it feels like we lost because we didn't have a birthday writer on our team, and it isn't fair of me to think that way so it makes me feel yucky. Doing things for a friend on her birthday is good; it just stinks the way dates aligned and nothing can be done about that. It was, all in all, a great round.

Regardless, we all did incredibly well and produced some amazing fic. It's so nice seeing that sort of support for a canon lesbian(/bisexual) (polyamorous) relationship of older women, which could go unnoticed in so many other fandoms. I'm so proud and touched by that. I also personally think our team (Team Discipline) was made up of the best sports in general throughout the round, though that may be personal bias speaking. (; But after the fight I went prancing about in our team thread and the chat and felt a whole heck of a lot better. I also laughed to know that my fic was considered 'scary' because it was sometimes 1,000+ and that's rare for SMACKDOWN. I didn't quite get the knack for drabbles (100 words) and 'series' (connected stories that also work as standalones) in time. Or at all, really. Despite that I used to write multiple drabbles every day in high school. I celebrated with Ben&Jerry's cookie dough ice cream.

Wrote fic. Made friends. Read fic. Rooted myself in community. Ate ice cream. What more could I want from an event?

Only tomorrow I start revision again, and it's for one of the exams on my double-exam day (Environmental Management) and quite possibly my worst exam entirely...so I just feel like melting into a puddle and crying everywhere. No fun. Legislation and government policy and regulations and impact assessment and ISO14001 (or something) and my mind just doesn't want to wrap around it. I've been reminded lately of how much I love kinaesthetic (hands-on) learning with my visual/auditory/whatever else learning...and this is so completely the opposite. All the revision, really, but for this subject especially. Well, anyway. That's me, a ball of wibble.

I think I at least made up for my long writing hiatus during dissertation terms. I'm (somewhat) sorry it wasn't Harry Potter. But I'm also grateful that fandom has planted me back at my roots for a while...I think right now I need to be reminded of the hands-on life I can have after university, and not of academic-type magic (wands and spell books and dusty castles). Though I swear I have love for both. Rosie and Lark are my only One True Pairing though, so when they're in need...well, I have to run there, not walk. (;

Here, have a very sexy Shawn Colvin song that inspired one of my fics and some random pics:

Collapse )


"Meditation teaches self-control," Lark told the children firmly, with a look at Rosethorn that said Behave! "It teaches discipline..."
  • Current Mood
    disappointed Disappointed.