So. I fractured my hip seven years ago today. One second slide tackle, ball off and away up field...next second gee, ground, why are you holding me down?
I don't feel too
torn up about it, at the moment, but then my brain is known for hiding things until I can deal with them.
to post things, but they keep coming out all emo and froppy-frowny. I want to post happy things, like how it's sunny and how I'm alive and how I'm a person worthy of love and respect but none of them seem to have much weight
in my life at the moment and it's annoying
Ebullience is fun. Being a naturally ebullient person so far away from that sensation is not.
I suppose I will say instead, then, that my sleep schedule is entirely whack. I didn't sleep Friday night because I was drinking and writing HP fanfic for hpdrunkfic
. I stayed up to make sure others had company during their writing. I went to sleep from 11am - 8pm Saturday. Then I slept from 3am - 10am Saturday night, so now it's Sunday, half past noon, and I'm awake when I usually wouldn't be - which is nice.
Sleep doesn't feel very nice, though. I seem to wake up after every cycle, but I don't want to turn to look at the clock because then I'll be completely awake and have more difficulty going back to sleep if it hasn't been long enough...so I often over-sleep, but sometimes I under-sleep. Regardless it doesn't feel very relaxing. I am having ridiculous dreams that somehow all seem related to exams no matter how unrelated they appear - it's that 'dream feeling', like when a person looks nothing like the person IRL but you just know it is
I can feel my prickly pear persona is still here which means something below it isn't stable, but I can't seem to source it. Or maybe it really is just the mixture of exams-graduation-leavingEngland and I'm afraid of harsh self-judgement so I'm not admitting it. I appear to be in a Slump Funk, with occasional Peaks in which I can almost remember what a cloudless sky feels like, beyond the bumps and trumps of Slumpland, Funk Country.What I should do:
Shower, eat, clean my room (wouldn't take long), meditate, jot things down in my written journal, read a chapter in a book, revise, listen to music, get grounded, be sane.What I am doing:
Having a day full of sighs.
Oh, bother. I feel 16 again. Excuse me, when did I ask for that
They say goldfish have no memory; I guess their lives are much like mine and the little plastic castle is a surprise every time. And it's hard to say if they're happy but they don't seem much to mind.
[Ani DiFranco; Little Plastic Castle]