April 6th, 2011

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)

[Written this morning when LJ was being a little poop. I apologise if this new phrase in my vocabulary offends anyone; it reminds me of old times and makes me smile. I'm not sure why 'poop' sounds endlessly worse than 'poo', either, but it may just be that I'm more used to 'poo' now since I've been in the UK.]

I was going to go to sleep at a responsible time and wake up early (for me) Wednesday to get a head start on really organising my exam revision.

But then, theeeen, Battlestar Galactica had to go and ruin everything.

Roberts asked me at nigh-1am if I wanted to watch 'some BSG'. I agreed to this, of course, because who turns down an offer to watch BSG? And what student in this household goes to sleep before 2am if he or she doesn't have to be awake super-early the next day (and sometimes even then)?

We realised that we were on episode 8. We watched 3 episodes (and, mind, they're 45 minutes each). Then we realised we were so close to finishing the first series and only had 3 left, the last 2 of which were a double-hitter ('to be continued...') so we set ourselves to finishing the first season.

We thus watched BSG until 5.30am.

Why am I awake at 7am, then, you ask? That's primarily because I'm an idiot. Moving on...

Tomorrow (which is really later today, since this is a normal waking-up hour for many people) and my decisions. I am deciding here and now that to keep from going no-pressure to ALSKDJFLAKSDf!TOOMUCHPRESSURE I am going to just organise my exam revision: create folders, gather resources, email the lecturers the lectures I need to email, create some sort of a plan. The fact that I'm doing any of this at all during spring break is an improvement.

Plus, I keep telling myself that once my brain is reminded of the revision topics (what things were discussed in each module), it's going to go all thinky-mode on the material it remembers and drudge much of it back up to the surface. Which is a bit wishy-washy, really, but nonetheless true.

Now it is sleep time because the sun is most definitely up and that means I've pulled another inadvertent all-nighter. I think the Hours of the Birds is even over, so no more harmony of dawn birdsong, which means I am absolutely awake too late by my own standards.

My sleep schedule is so frakked. But it's break and I don't miiind. (: *Dances.* I hope I dream about Roslin tonight! Fandom dreams are the best. (; asldjkfalsdf Roslin/McGonagall. Only my tired brain could think of that right now, but they're totally both leaders thrown into a leadership position they didn't quite expect. I'm sure they'd have wonders to talk about. And oh how much they can say in one facial expression. Happy Kiwibrain thoughts. IT'D BE SS KITTYLOCK - Kitty for McGonagall (like, Kittyhawk) and Lock for Airlock (like, Roslin Airlock Awards and being hardcore). Oh my brain. I think I win the Airlock Award tonight for idiocy.

*Is sucked out her window and into the great depths of space.*

P.S. It's now 10 to 4pm and I woke up about a half hour ago. I give up on being a normal person. My attempt to remedy my pattern previously have not worked. When my body and mind can go nocturnal, they go nocturnal. I also tend to stay in bed longer in that state of waking dreams, because I love following a dream all the way down the rabbit hole...


"The bluebird sings a lullaby; the firefly gives a light; the twinkling stars are candles bright; sleep, Faeries all, Good Night."
[Elizabeth T. Dillingham; "A Faery Song"]
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    tired Tired.
Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)

I am angry. Not cranky, not peeved or irked or miffed or aggravated, I am angry. Or perhaps more than that: furious, enraged, incensed.

Tim Colleran stole from the Aggie.

The Aggie, my precious high school. Now, there they mention the money he stole, the buildings he broke into...

But he stole more than that.

Once upon a time, the Aggie was a haven for those who didn't always 'fit' the classic academic high schools with AP-or-not college-or-not-tracked kids who were pleased enough with indoor classes, teacher talks and words or numbers on chalk-white-SMART-what-have-you boards. This Aggie didn't even have an American Football team, and so the cheerleaders (who cheered primarily for the basketball team) didn't rule the school. In fact, one of the main School Rulers was the FFA Club (Future Farmers of America) with its vocational competitions and spiffing blue jackets.

Things started to change. A one Mrs. Green started taking over power (during my years), tampering with curricula and organisations and scheduling and teachers' classes and some of the beloved Aggie traditions. The teachers and students weren't happy. The year after I graduated Mrs. Green became principal, an old (and not particularly loved) guidance counsellor returned, an English teacher who had been itching for it became a (part-time?) guidance counsellor. There was a mass-retirement of the older, beloved teachers and figures - some not waiting the whole year and instead retiring after their birthdays. Paved paradise and put up a...

And still, from what I hear, there was that Aggie Trust - that teacher/student trust that comes from a small community of many close-to-like-minded individuals gathered to learn or teach in unique ways, or at least with appreciation of such learning. Unique activities and fund-raisers continued, old traditions marched on...

Tim Colleran stole more than $15,000. He stole something that no one can put a price to, because it is priceless and no amount of funding can bring it back when it has been lost (only time longer than many memories will do that). He stole that sense of trust, of trusting students, or trusting alumni; he stole much of what was leftover of the Aggie's beautiful sense of community, what was left from living in Administration Dark Times. He has created more darkness where much of the light had already been stolen.

I can't believe that someone who was so invested in the community - FFA Officer, teacher's pal, good student, 'trustworthy kid' - could have stolen such a thing. I'm not naive enough to believe he would think 'I am stealing something worth more than money', but to not think it in the back of his mind, to not have an Aggie-appreciative conscience telling him I am stealing from my own safe space... it's unbelievable to me.

I want to cry and scream and shout and hit things for the steady decline in this beautiful place that is meant to teach people community, independence, how to do and be exactly how and who we want to do and be. I guess Tim Colleran made his decision, whatever his reasons - and none will hold up against what he's taken. It is heart-rending that his choice affects the environment itself, the place that helps shape so many brilliant, free-thinking, free-doing people - an empowering place where people learn to value themselves as independent people working within an interdependent community. He must have missed some important lessons.

And so I am angry. Furious. Enraged. Incensed.

I don't normally resort to it, but profanity is ripping around my head like a rabid raccoon: Fuck you, Tim Colleran, for stealing from a once-thriving community that was already bleeding. You stabbed a beautiful beast in the heart. Do you know it was your heart too? Fuck. You.

The Aggie stars are falling down, falling down, falling down...

(And whoever would think we could miss the Coopers this much?)


A woman is like a teabag. You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water.
[Eleanor Roosevelt]
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    enraged Enraged.