January 18th, 2011

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)

Sometimes I feel as though I'm just pretending, any time I think or say that I know anything about myself at all beyond the very basics, and even with those sometimes.

Does anyone else feel that way? That we can't really know anything like that, because it all feels too subjective and situational and sentimental?

Finished the all-nighter, slept six hours (don't know why I woke up) and had a really intense conversation about friendship and romance and where those two mingle. I feel raw. It's okay.

Today is the first day of term. I have lecture in two hours and fifteen minutes. I'm going to try to get another nap in. Everything just feels a bit...strange. And as though I don't actually know anything at all.

I wish someone could just flip an 'objective' switch in my head so that, for once, I could just take a look at myself objectively and see where to go from there, rather than through all my mind gook and through how friends and ex-friends must (have) seen me and all the assumptions that come from that. I wish I could stop switching between this 'high up on myself' and 'low down on myself' see-saw and get somewhere in the middle, or off the playground all-together.

I guess what I'm looking for, in the end, is to be freed from Ego. And doesn't that put me splat in the middle of a whole bunch of philosophy and religion? :P


You'll be with me like a hand print on my heart.
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