January 11th, 2011

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)

A woman from my congregation who used to hug me and was the mother of someone I grew up with died unexpectedly in her sleep.

My brother just left to head back to Keele University.

My mother is going to go progressively down hill for a while.

I am a puddle. I am a muddy puddle with molecules that remember being part of this sparkling lake connected to a graceful, playful waterfall and a bubbling, giggling stream leading to a far-off estuary and the ocean; my molecules are wondering just how precipitation brought them here, to a ruddy muddy puddle.

I need to be working, cleaning, packing, saying goodbye for a while.

I am incapable.

My pug is barking. I'm going to miss the sound of four pug-paws galloping at full speed over the terribly difficult terrain of cornered stairs.

To say goodbye, I had us all use the Christmas crackers we didn't get to use before, all of us in a circle. It was a laugh. Before that, my brother's best friend said, "See you later, dude. When are you coming back? Do you know what day? Or, like, what month?" Their friendship just pauses like that. It's beautiful in its own way.

Muggzzey the Pug is going as crazy and frantic and fearful as I feel inside right now. It hurts my heart to hear his high-pitched 'my humans are leaving me' bark/whine. Poor pup.

I am terrified of the next 6 months of my life.


You'll be with me like a hand print on my heart.
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