January 6th, 2011

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)

on sunday i was on the lesbian-gay (hope it is someday more inclusive of the alphabet soup umbrella lgbtqqiaspueverything) and tried to express to the kidlings how everyone, everyone has to come out, not just people under the alphabet soup umbrella. believe in god around non-believers, or not around believers? religious in an outspokenly atheist group? yankees fan amongst red sox? someone who prefers not to read around voracious literary butterflies?

the fear for coming out is for being contrary-to-the-norm in a way that you fear will mean you are judged and treated differently, as less human or less valued in some capacity. we all have to come out as things.

you all know i love my grammar. i love the way a word looks when spelled correctly, how easy it is on the eyes, whether with a 'u' or not, with the soft 's' or a jazzed-up 'z'. i have taken steps down the road toward embracing the feminine curve-and-halt of the semi-colon, the alluring and intriguing and beckoning two hanging dots of the colon.

but i enjoy having fun with it. capitalising things Here and There to bring importance from my mind, rather from grammatical rules drummed into me through primary, junior, high school and Science Training university. i invent words and phrases. i put my strange mind to the task of language.

today i am coming out as someone who loves giving her pinkies a rest.

i love the aesthetic softness and uniformity of no capitalisation, save where there is the writer's desire to Stress Importance (did the reading voice in your head just read that differently?). i love how i become no longer important just because i am 'i,' not 'I,' regardless of where i am in the sentence - yet i am softly important with my dotted self, for everything is equally important where there are no rules guiding what letters should tower over others. you - you There! you are an Important Building! i am but a sheep with no name - but now, i have a Name, so i am important now too! or if i come first, i am important too! Sheep with no name, i am - and like yoda i speak, yo ho, yo ho!

but if you are an important building, and i am a sheep with no name, and we have no rules...now we are both important or not important together. it's egalitarian. i, the nameless sheep, very much appreciate this; do you find the same appreciation, important building? you protect people; i clothe people: how valued we are!

this is the state of my mind today. if my dotted 'i's and lack of self-importance offend you, i am honestly very sorry - i know grammar rules can be important, oh i promise i do! but sometimes i like to bend or drop a rule here and there, just to remember how i like to live. (:

try it some time - perhaps you will feel freer than you thought you would! or, perhaps, your pinkies will smile up at you with gratitude. (i know, for instance, that i only ever use the right pinky for shifting - how overworked it must feel, and how neglected and undervalued my left one must feel!)

this is my brain.


You'll be with me like a hand print on my heart.
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