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Kiwi Crocus
24 December 2010 @ 02:04 am
You know you're a little bit scarred when every time you see a message from a friend, you think (s)he's sent a message telling you you're a fucked up manipulative bitch who only cares for herself and doesn't know who she is so thus clings to a self-created identity.

So yes, unfortunately, most of the times I see a new message or comment from any of you I expect something like that and I gasp and my stomach turns.

But then I'm greeted by whatever beautiful, glorious, compassionate message you've sent me instead.

I don't think I would be as grateful or appreciative if I didn't have the reminder of what the message could have been, though--and I am so happy to be filled with this gratitude and love every time I read a message. I'm humbled to know it reminds me to express my love and appreciation often; I would much rather have someone get sick of my telling them how loved and amazing they are rather than start wilting for lack of it.

After all, nothing taught me to appreciate walking like spending time without trust in my own two legs.

There's nothing I could dream of to be a better gift for Solstice and Christmas than knowing I have oceans of love from my friends all over. I can't help but be endlessly grateful. The darknesses are growing harder to dwell on, yet they are still just as effective at enhancing the light by comparison.

Thank you!

♥ Kiwi

You'll be with me like a hand print on my heart.
Current Mood: gratefulGrateful.
Kiwi Crocus
24 December 2010 @ 04:37 am
Right! Christmas plans!

Well, today Dweeb and I actually left the house. First we hit Subway to fill his tummy, then we hit the Charity Shop to fill my retail therapy bar, then the bank to deposit a check from Uncle Malcolm and Nana, then the World Store, then Old Orleans for an ice cream cocktail (Dweeb approved) and finally Global Cafe before heading home.

I bought myself cheap gifts. I wrapped them when I got home. The first four are in proper wrapping, then I ran out and used pages from a magazine--it's actually a pretty neat look. I would tell you what I got, but I've forgotten, since that was the point. I'll tell you when I open them on Christmas! (;

Jo called to tell me she and Pip had spoken with my mother (oh, Facebook) and that she is picking me up tomorrow after work to bring me to Pip's, where we will hang out for a while. Then she'll leave, my brother and I spend Christmas Eve, Christmas and a little bit of Boxing Day there until Jo picks us up, feeds us and brings us to the airport.

So I may not have plans with MY family for Christmas, but I do have family plans. It'll be weird spending Christmas with kids again--that hasn't happened since my brother and I were kidlings. I'm still trying to ignore that tomorrow night I will be missing the first Christmas Service I can ever remember missing. Gettin' through, gettin' through!

I have also started watching Skins and I am loving it. I knew Wishi/light_cascades would approve so I thought I'd mention it. Night night all!

♥ Kiwi

You'll be with me like a hand print on my heart.
Current Mood: excitedExcited.
Kiwi Crocus
24 December 2010 @ 12:08 pm
This just in: (there has to be a 'just in' for me to be awake before noon presently) Mum Skype-called us this morning (we ignored her at first since it was early for us) that there is a 2.15pm flight tomorrow to Chicago and then a second up to Boston for us. We can be in Boston some time between 10-11.

I can't even. You know that point when you yield to something because you've got no other choice, and in that acceptance you sort of grow to love your new position because it's different but there and you're alive so it's more sensible to love it than resist it? Well, it makes it easier when that situation is 'friends taking you in', but still. I got to that point last night; that's the mind set I went to sleep with.

To be woken up with this is a little shocking. And I appreciate it, really I do--I'm sure I will later, when I'm less shocked and have more sleep. Dweeb is super excited. I think I will be. Right now I actually feel a bit bad, because my two amazing friends went out of their way to plan everything behind my back and then surprise me together and I actually did grow to be excited. I suppose I have that disappointment of plans changing just when they're settled--even if it's for the good it's, well, unsettling (literally) and thus gives that feeling of being un-settled in life.

I still miss the two Christmas services, which I still haven't come to terms with. But mainly I can't believe I'm going to make it back to my house and see our tree for Christmas. I'm a little afraid to believe it. But now I do at least hope, and after having lost that hope, it does feel nice to have it back again. (:

Let's pep this up a bit, shall we?

I'm going home for Christmas! :D

Sorry, hoggywartyxmas chat! I will still try to nip on at 1pm if I can, to wave to all of you before I start my Christmas travels. Christmas day travels--that's an adventure, isn't it? It sounds like one! Exciting!

♥ Kiwi

You'll be with me like a hand print on my heart.