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Kiwi Crocus
22 December 2010 @ 08:04 am
Made it through Long Night and managed to be merry for some of it. My brother and I finished watching the final episodes of Legend of the Seeker together and laughed over how cracksy/corny it was.

I kept my two candles going through the night and lit incense. Nothing incredibly special or notable, but enough to put me back at ease.

Now it's time to head to sleep before I end up on the wrong side of dawn. Perhaps tomorrow I'll journey to the Co-op with my brother to buy some squash and whatever else to continue our shut-in status.

Serene Solstice, Kiwi. And Merry Winter to all! (At least, to all of us in the grasp of winter. :D)

♥ Kiwi

You'll be with me like a hand print on my heart.
 
 
Current Mood: drainedDrained.
 
 
Kiwi Crocus
22 December 2010 @ 03:51 pm
Reasons to love my brother:

1) "I got you a gift." [Kiwi looks excited. Dweeb hands over a huge thing of Cadbury chocolate. Kiwi grabs it, hugs it and settles down onto the sofa, ignoring the teddy bear she's been clutching since Sunday.] "Thank you! Night night! [A few minutes later.] It's 64 squares!!"
2) "Do you like Heinz Big Soup?" "I do! I just never get any." "Alrighty. I bought two thinking I might eat both, but that if you liked them too, we could eat them together."
3) "I got these too." "ARE THOSE DIGESTIVES?" "Yup." [Insert tremendous joy.]
4) [Pulls tortilla chips from bag.] "And salsa." "CHIPS AND SALSA! I haven't had those in ages! Yaaaay!"
5) "And four bottles of Coke."

He also let me eat his last piece of pizza because the 'pepperoni oil has tampered with it' and I'm not picky.

Looks like the rebooking we have is for the 28th, but Mum is looking to see if she can find any other flight that would bring us to somewhere close in the States - Providence, New York, whatever. We'll see. I'm allowed to be a little angry about this, right? Even if I don't know the direction the anger points - even if it's just a floaty cloud that is mixed with sadness?

Pirate is gone which means that, yes, we're the only ones left in the house now...but I also don't have to worry about feeling constantly judged, which is actually pretty nice. Later today I will shower and make myself into a real person again, but it's nice to not feel judged for being mopey and in my jammies and in a primary relationship with chocolate and Coke.

I'M SORRY WORLD, THIS IS MY COPING MECHANISM OF BEING SEPARATED FROM MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS BY AN OCEAN WHEN I SHOULD BE SNUGGLING MY PUG AND GETTING IN TIFFS WITH FAIRY LIGHTS. NO JUDGMENT, UNIVERSE - YOU CAME TO BEING WITH AN EXPLOSION AND HEY, THAT'S PRETTY ANGSTY, AND YOU'RE EXPANDING RIDICULOUSLY FAST WHICH COULD BE CONSIDERED PRETTY SELFISH IF THERE ARE OTHER UNIVERSES TRYING TO EXPLODE FROM NOTHING INTO SOMETHING, BUT I'M NOT JUDGING YOU EITHER.

Yup, so, my brain isn't working again. I also kind of want to write but don't know WHAT. Hmmm. Maybe I should go hit up my 'to write' memory section. After more Skins. :D

This just in: Mum found a flight for the 26th, so we're still here for Christmas, but at least it will be a prep-for-travel day and we'll know we're going home. This will be my first Christmas away from home. How incredibly bizarre. And yes, I'm trying to get rid of that feeling of incredible depression that my already-short-time-home became much shorter. AUGH. No no no, I am not letting myself go back to that mind frame. At least I know I'm heading home.

This really isn't fair. I hadn't acknowledged that before, but it feels better to, I guess. I'm all sorts of used to 'not fair' in the life department, but it's always been alright because of family and friends, and now that's what's being tampered with...so it's Not Fair on a whole new level, and it's okay for me to acknowledge that. And that this sucks. I always forget that I can recognise such things and still get through something just fine. It's not like all the medical stuff didn't suck, and I still got through that with strength...so here's to my first Christmas away from home: I'm going to try to empower myself now. CAPTAIN KIWI, COMMENCE!

Better to know than not know, right?

♥ Kiwi

You'll be with me like a hand print on my heart.
 
 
Current Mood: frustratedFrustrated.