April 6th, 2010

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)

What is it about tea that reminds the drinker that life will always go on? Except for when it stops going on, but then the drinker will be dead and not drinking and thus not care anymore anyway. (Incidentally, tea also makes me stop caring about run-on sentences.)

Downloaded my revision material. I am thankful for professors who put the additional reading (science papers) on Blackboard. So much is available online these days (especially given university online subscription) that it's really just the kind thing to do, rather than send us to the library during exam time for journals that either can't leave the library or have to be back within 24 hours. At least provide a link, if not upload the entire paper itself!

Today was a Kiwish rollercoaster. One moment crying over the sink, the next dancing around my room with incense. Regardless, I'm ready: packed for Spain, kitchen is clean, my room is clean/prepared, conservatory is neat and tidy, outfit is out for tomorrow.

This is really happening. This is exciting, of course, but also frightening. This is my first real step into the school world again - it means the hellishness is about to commence once more. That I really will have a day in my life, soon, in which I have a huge assessment due in on the same day that I have my two worst exams.

But somehow I'll make it through, of course of course. It's just going to be a ridiculous rough spot. Sighs and shakes head. Oh, resignation.
  • Current Mood
    restless Resigned.
Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)

I think I may have scraped 3 hours sleep. Got some references to explore for my River Cole paper. All of my stuff is in folders. My mind has been brushed and labelled.

The den is quiet and clean. The kitchen counters are clear, cleaned, patiently waiting to be crumbed and jammed again. Ani DiFranco is singing or speaking boldly from my little Netbook.

I just screamed when the postman slipped the post through the letterbox. Perhaps I'm more jittery than I'm allowing myself to believe - I'll keep up the denial, though. It's more comfortable. I don't want to leave this place that has provided a little comfort to my declining mind.

A few last moments of denial about all that's going to occur, about the next month and some of my life. 1 hour and 20 minutes until I board a coach and prepare for the trip - a bridge that deposits me on The Other Side, with deadlines, exams and dreaded new academic experiences. I'm not excited.

I'll probably keep screaming at the letters through the letter box; I need some way to release my fear at the Big Stuff without attacks of pent-up terror and rage. Here's to unravelling: Mistress Fate and Mademoiselle Past, shall we touch drinks? Cheers. Keep me afloat this time around, if you please.

My brain keeps singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" to me. I daresay it's not out of joy or feeling particularly like an unfettered bluebird, but out of an optimistic hope to get back to that place where I fit best, somewhere in the land of colour....I'd like to get back to that place.

Now for a lie:

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  • Current Music
    Your Next Bold Move - Ani DiFranco