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Kiwi Crocus
14 March 2010 @ 01:07 am
Oh my goodness, since Wednesday, I don't even know where to begin.

[-!] Richard Sibly is a prick. Well, not really, but he's INCREDIBLY stuck in his ways even though they BROKE RULES and that didn't make me happy and I went to go speak with him and people tattled on him and wrist-slapping emails were sent out to all supervisors and he forgot that I was even in his lecture. I am very displeased with him.
[+] Meditation Society was excellent. Working not so much.
[+] Had my meetings on Thursday and got my dissertation paper signed by Hatcher and Shaw. Went to Entomology and realised I wouldn't die.
[+] Went to the Societies & Awards ball. Women's Campaign won the award for best Campaign, so we all went on stage and did a lot of screaming. We got chocolate. I kept all the shiny wrappers to do something with. They made me drink wine and wanted me to kiss Rose but Rose reminded me of my Ex and I was not down with that.
[-] I zonked out because of the wine (not hangover or anything, wine just keeps me sleeping for ages) and missed important things.
[+] Everything was resolved and Hayley's goodbye party was KILLER, loved it! Shared the meal with May which meant that we got to eat delicious food, just the right amount, for half the normal price! Including dessert instead of drinks, because this is me and May and we love chicken and chocolate over everything. :P
[+] Came on campus today and I have the draft for my Owl Pellet lab done! 1,735 words. Took me long enough. It's crappy, and it's a draft, but hey I'm not so great with practical writeups anyway and Mark knows it. He expects it.

Apologies for the informal-ness. My stomach and brain are competing to see who can eat me first. So I'm gonna pack up and head out - Lyshia gave me the rest of her bus pass since it expires tomorrow midday and I wanted to get on campus today/before noon tomorrow!

Time to go home for food and sleeps. And the loo. Because, as always, I have to pee! I am pee dancing. Oh my goodness I am exhausted. Ta-ra!
 
 
Current Mood: worriedZapped.
 
 
Kiwi Crocus
14 March 2010 @ 02:00 pm
I am doing a practical write-up on bird Ideal Free Distribution.

I am Kiwi. I am female. Thus I am a bird.

I do not feel ideally or freely distributed. I feel that I am living between two locations: one is over-crowded but has a resource that I need if I compete or sneak in under the radar of the dominant competitors (library); the other has no competition but the resource I need is presently not available (home).

DRAT YOU, LAPTOP, WHY ARE YOU THROWING ME OFF IDEAL FREE DISTRIBUTION? I could be equally distributed if you'd come back to life. I'd go back to my frakkin' house! :P

ALTHOUGH! On the good news front, it looks like my parents will be purchasing a Netbook online if they can find one for a reasonable price with decent shipping. So I may have a laptop (and thus Skyping and all other capabilities) again soon!

We can hope. Because I am currently one quacked-off duck, and I've got my feathers all up in a tuft about it.
 
 
Current Mood: geekyGeeky.
 
 
 
Kiwi Crocus
14 March 2010 @ 07:46 pm
I realised why I love and hate Gay Chorus today. It reminds me of junior high band.

Love: The community, the shared confusion or bafflement or triumph; the laughter, the smiles, the chats; the singing.

Hate: The pressure; confrontation; being put on the spot.

Essentially, Anthony (the director) reminds me of my junior high band instructor, Mr. Wollof. (We called him Wafflebutt or Walrus.)

He frightens me. I almost had a panic attack when he had the Sopranos go up to sing in front of him during break. I'm new to the group and he asked me if I had any choir experience. I said, "Some, informal, singing quietly in the back..." Others laughed and commented that it was just about the right response. He threw me in with the middle Sopranos. Sure, fair enough.

I had just picked up the piece. I was sight reading and not really singing because, obviously, everyone had seen it before and practiced; I'm also not great at sticking with the middle piece until I've heard it once or twice. I saw that there was a repeat but wanted to take a look at the piece quickly. I looked concerned because my stomach was knotting and I felt unfortable.

I missed him calling my name because the Altos were talking right next to me and the Tenor and Bass men were all chatting behind us as they got snacks. He repeated it, got my attention and gave me A Look. I was flustered. He told me I had look confused (not gently) and asked me if I knew what a repeat was, didn't seem convinced and tried to explain it to me; I knew what it was but stepped forward because I couldn't hear him. He explained it to me three times as if I were stupid. I stepped back and bit my lip.

In my head, I was back in 8th grade with Mr. Wollof making me play my flute in front of my peers despite knowing that I had social anxiety and was panicking inside. I was back in 8th grade when we had to sing notes in front of each other and he would criticise our pitch and get frustrated. I was back in 8th grade when the second he turned around for a break, I tried a soft go at the notes for myself. I was back in 8th grade when Mr. Wollof flew back around weilding his pointy stick of doom and waving it around, yelling, "Who sang that? TELL ME! WHO SANG THAT?" and after a pause "Because it was PERFECT and you ALL need to get it like that for competition." (Which, from anyone else, could sound complimentary; from him, it sounded like a condemnation to everyone else and a threat to the singer if it wasn't matched every time.) I was back in 8th grade having panic attacks in the corridor after he made me play a high flute part that I hadn't auditioned to play.

So, I'm torn. I love the community. I've been there enough times that if I ditch out and stop going, it's a bit of a slap in the face and I don't look so great. Plus I DO like it.

I hate that I love singing but am afraid to do it. I hate that Anthony reminds me of the man who made me afraid to sing.
 
 
Current Mood: scaredScared.
 
 
Kiwi Crocus
14 March 2010 @ 10:03 pm
Tweet tweet!Collapse )
 
 
Current Mood: frustratedFrustrated.
 
 
 
Kiwi Crocus
14 March 2010 @ 10:05 pm
I just spent hours wrestling with Data. It was raw, it was untamed, it was just begging to have Order imposed on its Chaos. The field was muddy with unreplicated and biased designs; the turf was uneven with a detailed High Ground and a sloppy, unsure Low Ground. I started low, crazed, hair-ripped-out frenzied...and I tugged, calculated, BOXED.

And yes, for all you spectators out there wondering, I DID table that data. It was a mean feat: the odds were not in my favour (but let's leave statistics out of this for now; I certainly did).

This is what science is really all about, folks. It's dirty. The data doesn't play fair. You've just gotta stay resilient and Excel in your Field. Eventually, well, the data...it'll Yield.

After this exhausting battle, I'm heading home to cook supper and revise.

(What I have realised through all of this is that I really just don't seem to stop working.)
 
 
Current Mood: pleasedPleased.