February 15th, 2010

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)

When my room has a laptop, it is a portal. It is a portal into another realm. It's connected and alive with my loved ones.

When my room has no laptop, it is solitary. So solitary. Silent and solitary. Scary. Moments when I would have been happy to close my laptop and sit by myself become moments during which I bite my nails.

I am exhausted. I fell asleep in the den. I went upstairs to read. I tried to sleep. I cried because I missed people--when I feel I *should* have the opportunity to reach people when I wish to, when it is gone I am affected. I become homesick.

My laptop is communication. I can't call these people I love, I can't communicate with them quickly by letter. My friends here call their loved one when they have no laptop. I wish I could do that.

I lay in my room alone and afraid. Thought of cuddles and dozed some, wokeup frightened of a test on Wednesday with nothing to ease my mind. I couldn't just turn on my laptop, see "It's going to be okay" and go back to sleep.

I came downstairs. Juliette was in the kitchen doing the washing up. She asked me if I was alright and knew already that I wasn't already. I cried and she hugged me. She understood how important my laptop is in my life -- not the information, not the writing, just having it be my Connection -- and brought me chocolate and her laptop.

I should be sleeping, but I'm awake. I feel a little comforted. It feels better. My room upstairs will still feel scary and solitary, but I think this will have helped.
  • Current Mood
    scared Scared.
Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)


[-] woke up feeling yuuuucko! It was pabby.
[-] lecture put me to sleep. I normally love Birds and Mark, but classes this semester just remind me of high school and make me yawn.
[+] I wrote a To Do List and snuggled with Jojo.
[-] Mark talked about of third-year dissertation and I think all the neurons in my brain experienced apoptosis.
[+] My group didn't meet, so it's no bug dwak that I didn't finish my stuff. Claire gave me her notes. I'll put them into the template soon.
[+] I've been in the library doing stuff.
[+] I saw Clarance [+] Haley [-] Ben and [+] May-Matt's-friend-from-maths.
[+] May watched my stuff so I could get to the store to buy blank CDs (for boot disk) and some food; got cash back so I could pay back Tinboy, Jujubean and The Box In The Den.
[+] Changed my Livejournal layout so I can view it from Uni now--the other one didn't seem to work.
[+] Got through my inbox of over 200 emails.
[+] Formatted and printed my Vagina Monologues monologue so I can glue it into my journal (we're trying to make them look personalised).
[+] Edited & posted Chapter 4 of Transfiguration Over Tea: here.
[+] May saw that I had it up and didn't give me a strange look when I explained that a friend essentially got me to write a Harry Potter novel. In fact, she read it, gave me an edit, complimented it and discussed Harry Potter with me. (She understood people making McGonagall a lesbian and agreed she probably wouldn't have gone with a Slytherin--Tom Riddle.) She wants me to go to her birthday party on Thursday. It's lazertag. I may well go to that instead of the Amazon party; I'm torn!
[+] I have caramel cream Cadbury mini eggs. This is a huge plus. I have 50 minutes before rehearsal for V-logues in the Lounge.
[+] At 7 I get to see Judith Orr speak. I sent the link to Kris Saturday night and she enjoyed it enough to send it to Zazz. I'm super excited!
[+] I'm going to keep getting things done, I hope!
  • Current Mood
    energetic Energetic.
Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)

Rehearsal went well. Totally hammed it up for the introduction and filler. They love it. Love going crazy with this.

Helped Eve set up for the Judith Orr talk. The talk was amazing. I asked questions at the end and my last one sparked an animated room-wide discussion. We ended there.

I feel so bonded with these women. It's ridiculous. I can't believe the close-knit-ness ends Thursday. But we all hope to meet up more.

I'm afraid to get off the computer and get out of the library because the next time I'm online may well be Wednesday evening. Tonight I go home to revise some Animal Behaviour for my practical test on Wednesday morning, then reading and sleep with me.

Tomorrow I wake at whatever time and head onto campus to go on a field trip with Environment in Practice to retrieve our samples and start sorting through them. Run to the lounge for 5 o'clock run-through and change into my outfit. Then to Mondial; doors open 7 and performance at 7.30. After that we all may well go get drinks at Mojos, and I may skip coming to the library to check the Internet.

Then it would be more revision in the evening. Wake up for lecture at 9. Practical test at 11, shouldn't be long. Then I have to choose between the feature film for Women's Week or go to Buddhist Meditation Society. I think I'll go with the film. That'll be 'til early evening at the earliest, and then I'd have time to come back here and online.

But the library speaker was blaring at us and telling us the library closes in 20 minutes and we need to leave in 15, so yeah, I guess I'll get off.

Laughter. Less than a week left of being a teenager. Whodduthunk.

I can totally get through all this. No bug dwak.
  • Current Music
    Drive - Melissa Ferrick.