February 4th, 2010

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)

Monday: too ill for lecture.
Tuesday: woke up feeling terrible. Called Pip. Everyone agreed the lecture would be ridiculous (by Gillian on Writing Science Reports). It was apparently ridiculous.
Wednesday: suffered through lecture feeling terrible. Went to practical and watched a freezing starving chick. Finally got to warm them and give them food. Went into computer lab and 'did stats' with my partners. We didn't really have a clue what was going on, the lecturer didn't really know what to say, oh great fun.

Bank. I spent two (or three?) weeks locked out of my account just to receive my old pin number (which I already knew), go outside, get in and change my pin number. Seriously?! Could you REALLY not have just reset the darn card weeks ago when I came in?

Buddhist Meditation Society (apologies, it is not Medical Society!). Was ready to take a nap in the hour-break I had before it. Girl was lost waiting. We chatted. She was waiting for a meeting to audition people to read in The Vagina Monologues. I told her that was epic. She told me to join. I said sure. I am now reading one of the sections in the production for the Women Week. This is super shiny. I got to read one of the pieces and it was fantastic.

Actual meditation society I gave Kelsang Loten the Chopstick Buddy to give to Christina. Loten was amused. I couldn't meditate well and felt yucky, but had a reasonable time. Was nice seeing Clarance and Samatha and Chris and Loten. Biked home, crashed for three hours in bed.

Thursday: Got an email that I'm supposed to have a meeting tomorrow some time between 10 and 11. There's just no way. I am so sore and icky and gross that another morning thing when I don't need it just won't work. I fixed up my draft bibliography a bit and sent in in an email to my supervisor. They're group meetings, anyway, and generally he just speaks with the other people because I seem to know what I'm doing. (Haha yeah right whatever.) I think an email-based 'meeting' will work just as well, but if not we can meet next week before I give in the bibliography.

Hopefully I will make it to my 2 p.m. Entomology lecture. It's hard enough to pay attention when I'm well. Last week Jo drew a dragonfly through the entire lecture. I fell asleep in the first half and I don't know what was going on the second half - the lecturer didn't seem to know either. The practical we just sat IDing bugs with keys.

Tomorrow I have my meeting with Sarah and Harry in the late evening, see if we can salvage my relationship with Sarah. I'm going to finish my list of 'I miss...' things tomorrow. We'll see how it goes.

Beyond: At least I don't have anything Friday. Hopefully I can sit down Friday feeling somewhat human to a) finalise my bibliography a bit more for the 12th b) work on the bird banding brochure c) start thinking about the lay writeup d) consider working on the end-of-term science communication essay e) whatever misc. stuff.

Ack. I'm ready to go back to feeling human. And motivated/inspired. All of this is very draining and lately I've felt it lacks purpose. No fun.

Kris (starsister) and I seem to be just counting down the days until college/Uni is over. This is not a good outlook! It needs changing!

I'm thankfully beginning to feel tired again so I'm going to head to sleep and get another 8 hours. Hopefully I'll feel loads better for tomorrow.
  • Current Mood
    uncomfortable Uninspired.
Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)

Oh! I kept wondering why 4 February felt so important. I knew there was something my mind was trying to remember.

It's Mrs. Osborne's birthday! My old English teacher. 8th grade. Holy crow, six years ago. I still remember her fondly. I love English and literature. I miss it.

Too early to send something (it isn't even her birthday in that time zone) so I'll have to send something later today. I'll send something through Sonja, too, since she works at the school and I can't always get to Mrs. O through email.

It dawned on me that my mother and I are in similar spots. Transitioning. Her with her post-Momness and me with my post-studentness. I mean, we're both in the ends of those phases right now and looking at what we're going to do next.

I love ecology. I love sitting in lectures, learning about ecology. Hearing things. Researching things. I hate running experiments, writing academic writing, writing reports, doing busy work, taking tests, taking exams. I love revising.

There's a lot I don't like about Uni. I'm still glad to be here, of course, and to be living my dream - being in England, having these friends, creating my own communities, growing into myself, learning about things I love. I know I need to get a degree and I'm sure I'll be relieved when I have it. The word 'dissertation' and the phrase 'next year' can throw me into a panicked tizzy, but I'm sure I'll get through them because I always do.

I'm still waiting for the what-comes-after. Living poor off spaghetti-ohs and dreams. Groaning about student payments. Missing random college moments and being nostalgic, then kicking myself in the gut and snapping 'yeah, but do you remember THIS?' Listening to Avenue Q and singing along to "How Do I Go Back to College" with great empathy. Charity shop clothing. Too many beans and too much bread. Travel. Sitting in coffee shops with enough money to buy one cup of coffee and making it last hours just to sit writing.

I think what I really need to do is start writing again, to get me through all this. Pick up Writing Down the Bones more often. I apologise for the two long updates back-to-back. Wasn't intended. Guess with my voice not working in real life, my fingers are prepared to make up for the silence.
  • Current Mood
    bored Bored.
Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)

I finished my list for Sarah. 15 things starting with "I miss..." regarding her/us, ending with "I miss...you."

In doing so, I came across many quotes from last year and two or three from the beginning of this year. If you would like to delve into the craziness and insanity that was my Fresher year, feel free! Many conversations end up sexual. We're Uni students. We can't really help it.

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  • Current Mood
    nostalgic Nostalgic.