December 17th, 2009

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)

Pleasant things:

1) Airplane turbulence - I don't know why, but I like it. The feeling in my stomach. It's blissful, even in those moments of 'gee, that doesn't sound good' type of thoughts.
2) Having a man next to me interested in looking out the window. Gently waking him when we were above the storm and cloud cover to point toward the sun and the rainbow. His appreciation, and how much it warmed my heart.
3) Dancing in the airport while waiting for my family to arrive, and being not at all concerned about their being late.
4) Dinner with my family for father's birthday and having a camera battle with my brother. Receiving an old brick of a phone like I had in 7th grade. The smile on my father's face when I give him good, real dark chocolate.
5) Coming home to a picture of ukulele-playing-me on the fridge, big why-are-you-taking-pictures-of-me smile at an unexpected picture-taking sesh from a grandparent. Faerie lights around the living room. An evergreen tree with red bows in the corner of the den, just waiting to be decorated. A little plastic tree to have all of my own from my grandmother, who remembered that when I was little all I wanted was a little tree to keep in my room. Sprawling out in my old bed in my old room with my old snoring pug.
6) Planning surprises. Waiting for joy.

Less pleasant things:

1) Life turbulence.
2) Looking in the mirror and seeing a self-cherishing, selfish, self-centred person when there is the potential to be so much more than that.
3) Laptops that really don't want to work anymore, and the fear of losing everything from it.
4) Attachment to things, instead of just loving & cherishing them - but wanting to change that is a start, and recognising where the attachment lies is another step in the right direction.
5) Not knowing what to do with myself. But being willing to try figuring it out.

Things will work out though. I'm excited for things. I'm planning something. And I'm excited for home friends, and Cassia & crew, and sister, and Wishi in Rhode Island, and writing and reading and resting. I'm not excited to go back to working on uni work and trying to figure out how write a well-structured, flowing English-Humanities type essay with adequate vocabulary. From the seminar, apparently "quality" as an adjective is still slang - which I totally didn't know, or maybe it wasn't in America, or in high school, or whatever. I don't know. That's a whole new world, and it's pretty amazing how I can be sitting and thinking about how life is going alright even with its bumps and then think of school for an instant and freeze.

...yeah, I really need to re-wire my brain.