December 11th, 2009

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)

10 hours straight of revision. Table of contents, definition pages, summaries of lectures.

Didn't feel I had the time to use any of them. Scrambled around my notes. 50 minutes of torture. Skipped the herbicide questions with intention to go back to them, never got to. Finished with 8 questions out of 25 pretty much completely undone. 16 marks lost immediately.

34 possible. And out of the 50, that gives me top a 68. Which isn't a terrible mark, it's 2 points from an A, it's what I got for my total mark last year. I'm not pleased.

I don't see why he would do that - put 50% of a whole module grade into one 50-minute test with many of them answered in paragraphs. It took a lot out of me to say "Merry Christmas" to him leaving the room. I don't like that. I don't like that I filled out the evaluation seat honestly and it wasn't at all positive. I don't like that, even with the no-bias policy of the university, he still may well know it was me considering there are 9 ecology & conservation majors and even using a different font, my hand-writing is still noticeable. I hope he doesn't pick up on it.

At least the werewolf tabletop roleplay game I went to on Wednesday was excellent. Made up a character with people and for once I'm a fighter. It's entertaining. I've never done one before - it's fun being nerdy.

I think my frustration is keeping me away. I'm too frustrated to even cry. That's a bad sign - I can't even comprehend how stirred up I am to be beyond crying. I don't feel relieved that the term is over. I feel betrayed that a beautiful semester ended in flames.

At least I have the meditation retreat weekend now. I have my pillow next to the computer right now, with some essentials and my little stuffed unicorn Shorty within the pillowcase. I am glad I had Shorty with me to take the exam. Reminded me that life continued outside of the lab. Didn't get to say goodbye to Pip, but it's probably best - I probably would have exploded. I nearly ripped into CJ because around important due-dates/assessments/evaluations she really grates on my nerves. Yes, you're faster at test taking - you told me you didn't know half of them and just put down the most intelligent thing that came to mind. I don't do that.

Very obviously need the time for peace, it seems! And the sleep on the ride up to Derby. I'm going to head out in a minute to check if Palmer Building has my keys, then meet up with Georgina to go to the Centre and then be transported to Derby. Until then I'll finish up on the Internet, read Oh! the Places You'll Go (so I can remember I'll get over the unpleasant bump of falling from my Lurch into a Slump, can get through the Waiting Place to home and keep up moving mountains) and relax.