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Kiwi Crocus
17 November 2009 @ 11:56 am
On Saturday I had lunch with Hayley (year one, we revised for exams together, lots of time together) and it was beautiful to be around someone else who finds work to be so important in life. We're both feeling stressed.

I've been writing and working a little. I haven't been able to work on my bird census assessment (27th November) or my poster (2nd December) yet, but I'm caught up for notes and I did the initial stats assessment. I just think it's all wrong and that stresses me out. I'm not a huge fan of how this class runs.

I can't believe it's Week 7. Even seeing that frightens me. I hit so much stress approaching week 10, I just feel...frayed and lonely. Fraying at the edges, stress biting at my toes and all other available skin.

This is my test, it seems. See how my 'routine' (as Mark-the-personal-tutor put it) works--the meditation, the journalling, the time for writing and reading. The trying to work at least a little early.

I want to pretend I'm not frightened, but I can't. My eyes are misting at the idea of the approaching deadlines and end-of-term evaluations. The assessment, the poster, the open-book test in Weed Biology, the talk of "this is due after winter break," the talk of semester 2, the talk of exams and year three and dissertations.

This is where I start to feel heavy. I don't want to this year; I want to stay light, stay focused, stay present. I will be working towards that.

I may need a little support these weeks, my love. And if I don't respond in good time please don't hesitate to poke me more - putting off my email (where all my messages go) is one of the first symptoms of my feeling stressed and overwhelmed and slipping away.

I suppose this is a warning of sorts too. For me and others. I want to remember that I can do this. It's just so easy to forget. I don't feel very capable, hah, hardly intelligent... Sigh. Time to pull myself up! I'm awesome. I can do this.
Current Mood: scaredScared.
Kiwi Crocus
17 November 2009 @ 10:00 pm
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