November 10th, 2009

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)

Frown. I know I'm having a hard day/week when I wake up and my floor is a mess, all clothes and disorganisation.

I even had soup and bread last night. Hmm, oops.

I am feeling the deadlines approaching as we head down the slope of half-term to end of autumn term. Those are bad enough.

It feels pointless typing up my lectures and learning the material in many of the cases. Statistics not, because the exam is really going to be JUST about what we learned in lecture. But in many of the other subjects? It feels pointless because the exam is supposed to make us read more, go out and find journal articles, whatever.

So yes, I have to understand what we do in lectures, but I need to do more and I'm not doing that. I really don't have it in me right now. I'm hoping that if I get the lecture!stuff out of the way as the term goes along, I won't be so attacked by it come exam time. Hopefully I'll be able to get through it faster and move on to reading extra information about certain subjects.

But do I really know? Ooooof course not. This is only my second year with actual exams. I did reasonably enough last year, but I'm shooting for improvement given that this year actually counts.

I don't know. It's a little bit of everything. Like living with all-couples (well, one pseudo-couple, but they act married anyway). It usually doesn't bother me, but I've been noticing lately how often the boy just stands pressed to the girls back when doing menial kitchen duties, and all the "could you grab that for me, dear?" "yes, dear"s with a kiss to seal the deal.

At this point I don't even think it's jealousy because, when I picture that, I don't like the idea of myself in those situations. So domestic and intertwined.

Then there's the fact that Jujubean currently hates (and is apathetic about it) Matt and Lyshia, and Lyshia doesn't trust Jujubean and Batgirl, and Batgirl's back with Pirate so he's around as a clingon, and Sass is around but I still don't connect with her...

Yes. Well, it seems this has been a post for all the things I have not made not of previously! This is the messy stuff. Yesterday it got me down. Today I don't want to let it get me down.

Today I want to get myself ready for the day, go to environment in practice and not be nervous about sorting invertebrates, come home and nap or cry or dance or laugh it out if I need to, write, work and sing. I want to be the Kiwi who keeps her floor clean and organises and works through her stuff.

Yes indeedy. So off to commence that! :D
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