October 15th, 2009

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)

Today I fell asleep in the five minutes of lecture I truly needed. That doesn't happen to me. Clearly it did. One minute I was awake and answering the professor, the next I was gone, the next I was waking up to "and that's how you use the Hardy-Weingberg Equilibrium Equation from start to finish" (which was precisely what I needed) and the next it was break. Aaaauuuugh. Freshers' Flu, you smite me again, keeping me from sleep! Even right now I can't breathe through my nose and it's vexing me!

I got some stuff done and prepared for some calls. Worked on my CV. Ate my pasta slowly. Went to the Buddhist Meditation Centre in Reading with the Society. Kelsang Loten wasn't there 'cause she was working toward a retreat soon so we had another woman. First meditation in a chair failed miserably so I moved to the floor with a cushion and did much better. We chatted and ate tea.

It was mentioned that it's best to clean one's room before meditation, that clearing the physical clutter first often helps clear the Mind clutter. It pleased me to know that that's what I've been doing.

Was driven nearly home. Cleaned my room so I'm happier with that. Got a bit of stuff done but not nearly enough, mainly just felt sick and hung around. I did accidentally write another song, though, after contemplating Self and Attachment and realising that a lot of my Attachment to Things (not just physical--personality traits, habits, etc.) comes from the fact that others have connected me to the Things. Just like it's difficult to change onesself because it's difficult to change others' perceptions of us, which makes it difficult to keep the change and not revert back. So a song came out of it. I sent it to createsunspots, as seems to be my way now.

Someday soon I really will put uke music to them and have more completed songs. Jujubean made me play 32 races with her on Mario Kart.

This is how I super Fail at being a student. Fail, Kiwi, Fail. Faf. Full of Fail.

But here's the song. (Apologies for one piece of grammar--sometimes I use it to make my point.)

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I'm going to go attempt breathing through my nose now. It'll fail. Journal and sleep hopefully. I really need to get on this 'rest' thing.
Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)

I have a squish on my stats professor and it kind of delights me. (Squish = low-level crush. Both classification I do nothing about. 'Professor' also means that NO classification would mean acting on feelings. Seriousness through.)

She's adorkable. She couldn't get the technology down. First she accidentally set off all the lights so that only the one by her table was on and then looked shocked. Then she couldn't figure out how to turn down the sound so there was a giant beep when she exited something; we taught her how to mute it. She couldn't figure out how to work the paper projector for a bit and kept staring up at the screen thoughtfully, saying, "Well, I guess we're waiting."

I also noticed that this week when she started speaking quickly she paused, took a deep breath and continued more slowly. It made me smile. Of course I don't think *I* caused that, but I'd like to think perchance my email helped a tad bit! She's doing a lot better now that she slows her speaking and moniters her nerves.

(And, by the way, all that stuff is stuff I would have observed regardless of squishes. :P When it's time to give my attention to lecturers, I give it!)

However, halfway through we were covering easy material again and I could feel my eyelids giving out on me. I tried to stay awake. That's when the beep happened. It saved me! At the end of lecture, since my friends and I are always the ones who stick around anyway, I complimented her outfit and wished her luck with the technology. I mentioned how the beep had saved me and we chuckled about Freshers Flu. She seemed to be calming down, which was lovely. Jojo mentioned that Professor Underwood (coolest name ever, right?!) had almost jumped and screamed when Jo approached her. Poor nervous woman! But she's a laugh when she settles down.

So that will make statistics a bit more fun. Squishes are fun. Nice butterfly smile-y feelings that don't affect anything save my personal joy. Reminds me of the squish I had on the lecturer Natascha last year. It also made me raise my eyebrow at ages and positions. I'm friends with mature students on my course who are frequently older than the professors. Don't know why it's more of a stigma for me to have a squish on a young professor than a 40-year-old university friends. But I suppose university always complicates the ridiculous age standards!

Regardless, I am playing the Game of University the way my father did--as many crushes as I want, completely unlimited, but I'm not actively acting on any. With most of them I refuse purely out of my personal honour code (professor, teaching assistant, older friend, no urge to change relationship in any way, etc.) but mainly I'm just loving all these crushes on intellectual people!

I also wish that people wouldn't think of "crush" as this terribly inappropriate thing. Thankfully none of my friends do. "Crush" means, for me, "I admire this person and she is wonderful; she gives me butterflies in my stomach." It is not "I am highly lustful of this person and want to pursue a possibly inappropriate relationship." They're not even sexual for me!

That was totally not where I wanted to go with this entry. I guess it's just been on my mind since some of Lash's comments and others' comments too. (Totally no negative energy in that statement, Love! Stuff that's just been on my mind since. I'm sending you extra love for your October Fall.)

Also? Introduction to the History and Philosophy of Science was incredible. I love having Nick Battey for a lecturer again--loved him in Exploiters! He has a wonderfully dry sense of humour. ([Picture of the Great Fire of London.] "Great Fire of London...it's a photograph." I snorted. And he called Copernicus' struggle a "hot topic," at which point both Michael Shaw and I laughed. Emma didn't get it. Michael Shaw is the other lecture and he sneaked into the back of the room without anyone else noticing. I have a total intellectual!crush on him, which makes me giggle.

(Yes, my intellectual!crushes can be on any gender. He's also adorable with his facial expressions and body movements. I love that he's an eccentric ecologist like Mark, who is of course another intellectual!crush. My university life is full of them.)

In conclusion...hmm...university life is totally back and I appreciate it for the endless butterfly-inducing crushes of all assortments, all innocent! Rock on!

Time for smammiches (I made one!), signing my loan (yaaay money to the university) and walking home (reading, methinks?). Then phone calls (hopefully, for productivity) and nap (hopefully, for rest against Freshers' Flu).

P.S. I had the BSG book on my lap today and kept looking down in Statistics, then looking up shocked after seeing Mary McDonnel's face staring up at me. Then I smiled. It kept me from falling asleep more than I'd like to admit. Freshers' Flu needs to stop robbing me of sleep!
Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

Teh Kwii's Kweh

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  • My nose is stuffedtastic. However it didn't stop me from being a procrastinator and playing 32 Mario Races with Jujubean. Student!fail.
  • Freshers' Flu, I am holding you accountable for the fact that I'm not sleeping well at night and will probably have to take a nap.
  • My stomach is hungry for the smammich I made but I'm waiting to see if Mark will email about a meetup.
  • I get so many crushes and squishes and intellectual!crushes on people in university. It's kind of incredible and fun. ♥
  • GREATSAPPHOSPANTS! The LJ anthology book thing came in the post today. I have all of page 22 (birth day day!) and I am in love.
  • It's my first publication, and it's a pseudonym-type-thing, and it's about writing a novel and being crazy and it's so me. So so me.
  • And now, to continue being me (given I'm reasonably skilled at it), I will commence shower-taking so Batgirl can cut off my split ends! :P
  • Time to get my hair trimmed! Yaaaaay! Goodbye, two inches! I'll miss you but I'm practicing disattachment today!
  • My hair is trimmed! :D It's in a straight line for the first time in...like...five years. And I'm leaving it down to dry. That never happens
  • I think I'm going to end up Ms. Frizzle at this point. Well. Not a redhead. But I'll have the kin of her hair!
  • Amanda Palmer is playing in Boston Sunday. I am once more near London. My life is FAF. Also, awkward times with Pirate and Batgirl.
  • For the record, no, dating site patron, I do not want to have sex with you and your male lovecritter. Thank you anyway. Goodbye.
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And that's a wrap, folks! Kupokweh!
Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

(no subject)

i) I made it through my inbox for now. Yay.
ii) Updated my calendar.
iii) Got my hair trimmed. It's lovely.
iv) Got parcels in the post.
v) Am happy despite failing at my 'sleep early' plan.

This post is mainly to say that I GOT "LIVEJOURNAL THE FIRST DECADE" in the post today! And I am in it!

I'm in the second section! Crafty and Creative. I am the second segment of that section--nanowrimo. I am all of page 22, big red and lovely. 22 is a special number to me. It's my birth date number! It makes me smile.

So there I am, in written print with a fitting pseudonym and appropriate anonymity (cranky__crocus) with a post about my crazy self writing a novel in three days and how all of you (you a general livejournal you) inspired me. My attempt to pass along the inspiration and motivation. Apparently it worked, given I was nominated and got through to get into the book. I am so happy.

It's funny to me that I'll always remember this as my first publication. A happy accident, as most of my creative endeavours seem to be. Just writing about my experience being a Crazy, my little attempt to stir up some Crazy in others. Written with a 'pen name' of sorts that covers me and my past. In a book about a website that has been my home since pre-adolescence.

It just feels right. Yay! (I'll have to take a picture of it some day.)
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    ecstatic Ecstatic.