July 18th, 2009

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

[. HP and Fandom Rant .]

The number-list thing seems to be going okay for me.

1) [[Loose spoiler alert]] The drive-in for Harry Potter was wonderful. We had a blast. Ant's battery died right at the end with the mushy scene, but that was fine. I loved McGonagall's first scene. I was not loving the outfit she wore. In a way the film felt a bit like two hours of nothing, but it was two hours of Harry Potter nothing, and so for that I am thankful. However I will have to go read the book again to get back the film that comes along in my HEAD as I read that. :P

2) Kate and her boyfriend are stopping by to go to a diner with me on their way up to Maine. It will be nice to see her. Save Skype, I haven't seen her since she was a student abroad first semester.

3) I got a bunch of applications. Now I have to fill them out. That is less exciting. This will be round one. I will probably have to do a round two. Hopefully NOT a round three.

4) It is TOO HOT. I am melting. It's only 80, but 73% humidity and no wind... My sleep is terrible. My dreams are whacked. It is not entirely enjoyable.

5) I need to not let fandom stuff get me down. I hate feeling so segmented, feeling so hated in parts--I need to understand that (most non-petty) people will not dislike me for liking a character they hate. I don't shove it in anyone's face. It still hurts to read all these different rants on the assortment of characters I like--which I can't allow, because it's not personal and it's a mistake to take on pain that isn't mine. So I'll have to find a way to not do that. I just wish I didn't feel so segmented. In places I am allowed to love Arizona, in places Callie, in places Erica, in other places different combinations--but in each I always have to remember which I am NOT allowed to love, or which I have to hush up with as to my adoration. I don't know if I know anyone else who community hops like I do--I try to stay active in all of them, because I authentically adore all these people, the people in the different communities. It's less that I feel TUGGED by any of them, but that parts of me are pushed out.

And it's bound to happen. I don't expect anything else. I don't see how it could really be any different. One of those unavoidable things. I just wish I knew some more like me, who actively adore ALL the characters and their assorted arrangements, and are also active in fandom.

Ah. I suppose I will just flitter about and all will be good. I think I'm well-liked enough in fandom. I mean, I'm not in any of the tighter cliques but I FEEL well-liked enough, and I think that's what's important. I write fic of quite a few couples and I'm always willing to take on unorthodox ones, so people seem to enjoy my writing enough.

It's ridiculous how much I never want to be shunned from erica_leaves. I love it there.
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