July 5th, 2009

Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

[. The First .]

I slept most of the ride up here. Once I was here I read for a while and fell asleep on the couch.

Seth came by a few times. We spoke a moment. The next time I was asleep and he put a blanket over me, which he told me later.

It was strange to remember that though I am outgoing back home or when I am on my own, that is seldom the case when I am with my family, especially in Maine. I have a reputation for being withdrawn and quiet. It is simply easier to just go with that flow than put the extra energy into getting extroverted.

We watched the fireworks. They were nice. I enjoyed hanging out with Anette and her daughter more though. I wish Clarissa were around.

It feels odd, tinged in excitement, to be writing a fanfic scene set at the end of Hermione's sixth year and know that the sixth film comes out so soon. It was one of the things that made today so much better.

I was randomly sitting there at some gods-forsaken time in the morning and yelled out, "Oh my, it's July, isn't it?! I don't care that it's Independence Day...it's July! Harry Potter is almost out!"

Soon I'll be well on my way to memorising another Harry Potter film. Back to writing. I'll post this when I can be arsed to get on the Internet.

We also may be getting a Wii tomorrow. I am thrilled for that if it happens, even if it means venturing into Disgusta. Maybe we'll go to a bookstore. I haven't hung around a bookstore in ages.

This is probably the first of three posts.
  • Current Music
    Buffy Sainte-Marie
Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

[. Dream Harassment .]

I got a text at nearly 4 a.m. that Rawley and Amanda are a couple. I couldn't sleep.

At last I did. I dreamed.

I dreampt that Amanda came to my house. I sighed and asked her, "On a pause, then?" She looked sheepish. "Yeah. Rawley's going to come pick me up when she's ready for me again. She wants to talk to you. And she wants us all to fill out forms." I shook my head and took Amanda to the bar next door. She ordered a beer and I got lemonade. Amanda picked up one of the packets. I pulled out one of them and read a few.

"How to disapprove of drinking," I read and turned. "Would you like me to look disapprovingly at your beer?" Amanda shrugged and sighed, took a swig. I kept reading all this ridiculous stuff as Amanda started filling it out. I rolled my eyes at "How to disapprove of smoking, pot and anything illegal." I watched her fill out "What is one thing we should do before we die?" with "Go to Disney World!" and then at "What is another thing we should do before we die?" with "Get married." I wrote "Die" and "die, we're all going to anyway." I ripped mine up and put it in my cup, contemplated burning it.

Amanda told me Rawley was here. I grabbed my bag and we headed outside to what was like the Joe's Rock carpark. I waved to Amanda and headed to my car. When I was about to pull out Rawley blocked me in. I put my head out my window and said, "Rawley, move your car." She said, "No, I want to talk to you, we're going to go talk." I told Rawley she couldn't just keep me in a car park to talk. She didn't seem intent on moving.

I got out of my car, covered my ears and started walking down West street. She followed me slowly and kept her window next to me. "We're going to talk!" she told me. "Where's your form?" I yelled, "I ripped it up! It's stupid! And I'm not going to talk to you if you FORCE it on me! Go away!" She started saying something else so I darted backwards and ran back to my car.

She blocked me again. I screamed, "Rawley, MOVE YOUR CAR. If I hit you it won't be my fault. I'll call the police and tell them you aren't letting me leave. Go take your girlfriend home and leave me alone. I want nothing to do with any of this." Rawley looked as though she wasn't going to move again, so I reversed until I was almost touching her car. Amanda never said anything, looked straight forward and never opened her mouth, like some sort of deaf mute. Rawley finally moved.

I set from that moment on that I would hang out more with the dream!Laura gang, sod crazy Rawmanda .

So, yeah, apparently my subconscious is not so happy with this Amanda-Rawley union. Right now, though? I don't really care. I can't be bothered for much. I have turned into, gasp, An Apathetic. However, I would appreciate it if my mind would go back to previous strange dreams of Amanda Palmer turning into a crocodile to have sex with a crocodile. At least those dreams make sense to me.

Succubus who haunts my dreams? Please lay of the Rawmanda. Bring back the strange pseudo-bestial dreams. I prefer those.
  • Current Mood
    annoyed Annoyed.
Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

[. Finality .]

I have a feeling this is how I'll be doing my posts for a while. Writing LJ posts that I save to my desktop and upload when I feel like plugging into the Interwebz.

I've got to finish my Hermione Bang story by tonight. I've got 19k done, so the word count will be no problem. I've got the ending scenes to do. But I have to admit that there will be so much work to do on it after it's done that it can hardly be dubbed "finished" even tonight.

Da's about to look up the price of the Wii.

I feel odd. I need to channel some Arizona.
  • Current Mood
    apathetic Apathetic.
Rainbow || Rainbow northern lights.

[. Mourning .]

I give up. I have tried to do this stupid fest and it's just not going to happen.

I was perfectly prepared to sit here and finish it up. I go look at my file. Apparently I saved the "scenes to Write" over my whole fic file.

I thought, "I'll be fine. I saved them all as chapters."

Only I didn't save the second chapter, my favourite, after I had finished it. So I've got the first SCENE and then I miss out all of the stuff I actually liked. So that's just poof, gone.

I tried to open Hermione's first chapter and it was in some wrong file format, and it says its size is 0 KB and anyway I just can't open it.

So at this point, I just give up. Maybe I'll finish it some day and post it chapter-by-chapter. My heart is too broken from losing that favourite chapter--I don't want to try writing it again right now. And then to lose my LEAST favourite chapter, the one that I had to push myself so hard to write the first time...

I'm just drained. I will feel bad for dropping out of my first fest but I just can't work like this.

It's heartbreaking, too. Last night I was so proud of this. I was getting somewhere. I was going to finish. I have some scenes I really, really enjoy--which is all I ever shoot for. Now I find most of them are gone anyway.

Someone tore holes in my brainchild. I'm blaming this on you, MSOffice. If you hadn't been such a little poop my writing wouldn't have been put off trying to find a replacement for you, and I never would have done all this juggling around with file types to try to keep things readable to MSWord, and I wouldn't have saved over my own frakking story. I hate you. I hate that I hate you yet sit here waiting to have you again so I stop having these problems.

I don't know what to do with myself now. So much for plans.

This is me in mourning. I don't feel able to touch my personal fiction either. Maybe I'll just read Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and see if I'm later able to outline my first novel in a while. Here's to hoping, because I'm going crazy. If I don't write something good soon I am going to explode.
  • Current Mood
    enraged Enraged.